Sleepy Seaside
by unusual-underground
Summary: The Maitlands are missing. A Lydia on the verge of turning 18 is sent to live with her overly-religious aunt. Betelgeuse can't be reached. And the Netherworld is going haywire! (cover art by Adda-the-Ripper)
1. Unearthed

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Miss Alice Mina (little-bow-peep)

"Another cloudy day at Sleepy Seaside… At least the sky is tolerable," mumbled Lydia as she shoved the kickstand down with her boot. Some days she wished she could plummet off the cliff and join them all. But who was she kidding? None of them wanted her. Barbra and Adam vanished. Dad and Delia left. And Betelgeuse—he didn't care about her anymore. Lydia was alone. In life _and_ death. She straddled the shadows; they were her only companions now. Even Percy, her beloved cat, had abandoned her for her neighbors. Granted, Percy didn't want to leave Lydia, but she had to give him up. Uncle Duane was allergic, and Chloe wouldn't let Percy come, not even as an outdoor cat.

Sighing, Lydia chained her bike, slipped the key in her satchel, and picked up her books from the basket. She was doing well in all her classes accept Bible Study. She had better things to read. Some of the younger kids in school called her the She-devil, Demon Worshiper, and a Witch. They would tease her, saying she should burn at the stake.

To mock them all, Lydia carved pagan and Wiccan symbols on the bible the school gave her. Lydia had nothing against Aunt Chloe's choice of worship, but she hated being condemned by them all for not conforming. So what if Lydia didn't want to convert? She was raised Agnostic, practiced her own form of Wiccan, and knew more about the after-life than any of them! Lydia didn't know if there was a God, a Heaven, or a Hell, but Barbra believed. And Barbra never got angry or offended by Lydia's skepticism. Barbra accepted Lydia for who she was, or at least Barbra _did_… before she disappeared without even a goodbye. Why couldn't Chloe understand!

Lydia didn't want to spend her senior year at Chloe's church! She wanted to finish at Miss Shannon's School for Girls back at Peaceful Pines! Lydia could have stayed at Bertha or Prudence's! Lydia was sure their parents would understand.

But no. Aunt Chloe _insisted_ that Lydia move in with her and transfer to the Catholic School near Chloe's house. Away from Lydia's home. And friends. And Percy…

Lydia took her seat at the back of the class, and started doodling until the teacher yelled at her to put her things up so they could take the test. Lydia knew she'd pass. She had nothing better to do than study between therapy sessions and reading in church…

She finished the exam early and flipped the test over so she could draw on the back. Lydia began drawing tombstones with bats fluttering above them. How she missed the Netherworld… If she could go there for only a moment… If she could just take a small break away from this world… See her friend…

Lydia looked around. Everyone's noses were to their tests as their pencils scraped on the paper. The clock ticked slowly. The teacher was sending emails… Lydia sighed. "Maybe just this once," she thought before mumbling the chant under her breath:

"Though I know I should be wary,

"Still I venture someplace scary."

She looked around again. No one took notice of her.

"Ghostly hauntings I turn loose.

"Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse. _Betelgeuse!_"

Some spit landed on the graphite grass covering the sketched grave. Lydia's heart thumped. She looked frantically around, expecting something out of the ordinary. The teacher was still typing on the keyboard. Her peers were still scrawling out answers. Lydia looked back down at her paper. Maybe a ghost was lingering in the graveyard!

Nothing.

The graveyard was still, the tombs were undisturbed, and the bats were as stuck as ever.

Maybe the Netherworld never existed? Maybe it was all in her head? Beetlejuice, Barbra, even Percy. Maybe she should consult her therapist on the matter…

The sound of Lydia's heartbeat was soon replaced by the ticking of the clock.

Lydia put her head down on the desk and waited for her next class. Nothing would ever change. Life was boring…

(0_0)

The toll bell rang for Lydia. It was finally her time to crossover! Death was taking her! Lydia was going to be rid of this place forever! Lydia took Death's skeleton hand.

"You're not afraid?" Death asked.

"I was friends with Jacques! Of course I'm not afraid. I think it's cool!"

Death looked Lydia over with his hollow eyes. "Interesting choice of burial gown," he finally said.

As Lydia was stepping into the mare drawn carriage, she glanced down. Layers of speckled red lace shrouded her. She gasped and looked back up. Death removed his robe to reveal a ghost wearing a plum tux. Before Lydia could register what was happening, there was a tap on her shoulder. Spinning to see who it was, she fell out of the carriage and startled awake.

"School is over, Lydia," said the teacher, poking her with a ruler. "You can go home now."

"Oh." Lydia sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Okay." She stood up, slung her satchel diagonally over her body, and gathered her books to leave.

"Oh, and Lydia," the teacher said as Lydia stepped out the door. Lydia waited. "Stop falling asleep in class."

"Yeah." Lydia hurried off before the teacher could scold her more. What'd it matter if she dozed off in her classes? She was doing well—for the most part. It wasn't like anyone wanted her "wicked" input anyway. And Lydia sure didn't want to be there. Sleeping was easier. An escape. It was the closest thing to death she was getting.

After plopping her books and chain in the basket, Lydia hopped on her bike and began peddling. The sky was darker than it was that morning…

Lydia took her usual detour through the woods (if you could call this tiny tree-patch that) to the Cliffside, parked her bike against a tree, and sat down at the ledge. How easy it would be to scoot just a little farther forward… Then Lydia could really meet Death. Maybe today the school bell _was_ her toll bell? Maybe today she would do it! All it took was a little shove forward. Just a _little_ nudge.

_Ca-Clank! _

Lydia startled out of her daze and looked back. Her bike had fallen. She groaned and went over to her bike, picked it up, and put her books back in the basket. She looked at her "mutilated" bible. Everyone else might think it was sacrilegious, but Lydia thought it was an aesthetic improvement to the bland cover it originally sported. They just lacked taste and humor.

"Remind me to put the kickstand down next time." Lydia instructed the bike as she sat. "Then you won't ruin my plans…" She started peddling through the woods again, humming the chant of her accursed former friend.

(0_0)

"_Ow-whoa-oh-oh-oh-OH!_" Hills started bubbling from the ground like the waves on the other side of the cliff! "_Wh-What's h-appeni-ing!_" Lydia stopped peddling. "Please-don't-flip-over! Please-don't-flip-over! Please-don't-flip-_ove—ugh!_" The bike toppled! Lydia slammed her foot on the ground. "_No you don't!_"

The ground stopped shaking…

Lydia looked around. What just happened? Was it safe to ride?

There was a deep rumbling from the ground. "Oh _shit!_" It was juddering again! Lydia steadied herself in preparation for the worst.

The ground quaked.

Lydia bit her lip. This was no earthquake.

A giant sandworm burst from the earth! Chunks of grass-covered dirt, twigs, and rocks were flung everywhere. With her arm, Lydia shielded her face from flying debris. She peeked under her elbow. Giant stripes flashed past her as the invertebrate barreled by, scarcely missing her in its rampage.

Lydia gasped when she saw dingy blond hair whizz by her. "_Betelgeuse?_" He was grasping the end of its tail! "_Betelgeuse!_"

"_Lydia!_" He squawked, equally astonished. At least, she _thought_ he was. After all, he was being dragged around by a raging sandworm!

The sandworm dashed by again, nearly missing her another time.

"_Hang on, babes!_" Betelgeuse snatched her off the bike, flinging her on top of the massive worm. Lydia held on with both hands and looked up at Betelgeuse. He was partly above her, his arms on either side of her body, barely clinging to the worm.

She shouted over the noise. "_What are you doing!_ _How did you get here!_"

"The better question is 'What are _you_ doing here?'" This wasn't Peaceful Pines!

"_Betelgeuse!_" She didn't need his backtalk! She wanted to know how he and the sandworm got here with no "door," and why he was taking her for the ride!

"Two more times, babe!"

She groaned. "Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse!" There was another quake and they fell back through the ground into the orange-blue Netherworld sky.

Lydia shrieked as Betelgeuse pulled her off the sandworm with no warning and crashed into a lake. Someone yanked on her shirt and dragged her to the surface. Hacking, she clung onto Betelgeuse's blazer.

"Need CPR?"

"_No_," she wheezed, trying to catch her breath.

He helped her to land. She scrambled up the hill, grabbing fistfuls of grass, and collapsed. "Where did the sandworm go?" she asked, looking at the sky. It had vanished.

Betelgeuse shrugged, shaking out his drenched blazer. "Probably off to torment another town. They've been infesting all parts of the Netherworld. Except Sandy."

"Sandy?"

"Eh, you know, the one the hunters tried to kill."

"_You_ named it _'Sandy'_! Wait, isn't that a girl's name? I thought it was a boy?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, keeping one as a pet is better than being its meal. It kinda, you know, guards the place. Sandworms have gotten pretty territorial."

"'Territorial'? So you mean you're _Wormy's_ pet."

He waved her off. "Minor technicality! Nothing but a big dog!"

"You or the worm?"

He glared at Lydia.

She looked away. "Where are we?" It looked familiar, but Lydia couldn't recall ever being to this lake. The water was green with algae and tasted disgusting. At least it wasn't polluted or made of acid and slime like some of them.

"My place." He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Did you… move?" The house looked more Delia than Betelgeuse. Maybe her stepmom inspired his lake house?

"No."

"'_No'_? Don't kid around, BJ. When did you move?"

"Look again."

She did. "Oh my—" Lydia turned around. This wasn't a lake! The whole place had been flooded! There was Jacques's house! The poor skeleton didn't even have a yard! Betelgeuse was lucky in that respect. At least he had a place to park the dragster! "How did this happen!"

"Good question." Betelgeuse said.

"_Well_?" She pressed.

"I said 'good question.' Didn't say I had an answer." He shrugged back on his damp blazer. "Come on. Time for another swim."

Lydia crossed her arms. "Hold up Betelgeuse!" He waited. "Why won't you talk to me anymore? So we had a stupid argument. _Big deal_. We have them all the time! That doesn't mean you need to shut-me-out! And what's with you and that sandworm attacking me! BJ, I _needed_ you! I needed you and you weren't there! It's been _months_! I was beginning to think you didn't exist!"

"Where was _I?_ Where was _I!_" He shouted. "_You're_ the one who sent me off! And then moved to Netherworld-knows-where! I've been trying to reach _you_ for months!"

"_You're_ the one ignoring _me_!"

He snorted. "And how long does _that_ ever last?" Lydia hesitated. He was bad at figuratively giving the-cold-shoulder; that was Lydia's expertise. Now a _real_ cold-shoulder, that was no problem.

"Then what do you proposed happened! If we've both been trying to reach each other, how come we haven't been able to!"

"Maybe because you reversed the spell!"

"Do you know how many times I've been chanting that incantation!"

"An even number of times!" Chant the whole incantation once, and you were bound together as his "door" to the other-side. Say it twice, and the door slammed shut. Say just his name the three times, didn't matter if you were his door or not, as long as he was nearby, he'd be summoned. But as his door, you could communicate back and forth and summon him at will, no matter how far apart you were (which meant leaving the door open could get annoying.) After their argument, though, Lydia did slam the door, but she opened it right back. He just refused to listen to her!

"Maybe, but a lot of those times were odd numbers! And you _still_ ignored me!"

"What's your excuse for ignoring me!"

"_I didn't ignore you!_ I got angry, but after—I got _over_ it!"

He huffed.

"The only reason I never jumped"—off the cliff or house—"was because I thought you didn't want me here." Him or her parents or the Maitlands.

"Oh come on, babes! I've been trying to get you down here for years!"

"Yeah, well… I thought you didn't want me…" Lydia blushed, "in the Netherworld."

Roughly, he whipped his chin with the back of his hand and huffed again. "_Humph! _I thought you were sick of me in the Otherworld."

"No."

"Come on." Betelgeuse waved her over. "We still need to swim to my place."

"Wait."

He rolled his eyes, exasperated, "_What?_"

"You never explained the sandworm." She said the incantation in class, but it always worked immediately. It was never delayed.

"How should I know?" He said. "I didn't make the rules! _Heh_," he snorted, "I don't even follow 'em!"

"I guess you have a point…"

"Now come on! There's a couple _dying_ to meet you!"

(0_0)

Lydia crawled up the lawn behind Betelgeuse. "When did I become so weak?" It used to take a lot more than a bike ride, a sandworm, and some swimming to tire her out.

"You _were_ choking. Maybe some water is still in there." He laughed. "Maybe you'll die of pneumonia!"

She shoved Betelgeuse. "That's _not_ funny. And I'm still mad at you. Now give me some dry clothes!"

He zapped her soaked school uniform into a dry black jumper and a red cobweb-patterned poncho. Lydia bunched her old Netherworld poncho in her hands. It may have only been a few months, but she missed it. It was like another skin.

"My hair is still wet."

Rolling his eyes, he zapped a hairdryer into existence that started blowing her hair. Once it was dry, it disappeared. Lydia ran her fingers through her hair, trying to detangle and smooth it.

"It looks fine. Now come on!" He gruffly took her hand and dragged her to the door.

"_Geez_, what's your problem!" Betelgeuse had never been known for his manners, but he used to at least be a little nicer to her. Did this communication block really upset him _that_ much? If anyone had a right to be mad, it was her! Maybe something went wrong that caused that incantation to glitch, but Lydia knew for a fact he was the one ignoring her originally. He had flicked her off, and turned away when she tried to reach him! From there it seemed no one could reach anyone. But then, Betelgeuse was probably lying to cover his tracks. _He_ was the jerk!

"Will you just shut up." He muttered, opening the door.

"Excuse me!"

He hissed, "_Hush_," and pulled her through the door.

"Betel—" Lydia started, but she was cut off by another voice.

"Mister Beetleman! How nice of you to drop by. Have you come to check out my latest crea—" A redheaded woman turned the corner and froze.

"Delia?" Lydia couldn't believe it. Dressed in one of her classic eccentric black garments and a chalk-powdered apron was her step-mom! Lydia never thought she could be so happy to see her!

"Lydia?"

Like some corny movie, they ran to each other. "_Mom!_" Lydia hugged her. She didn't care if she got covered in chalk.

"Charles, come quick!" Delia yelled. "_Quick_ Charles! It's _Lydia_!"

"I'm coming!" He turned the corner and saw them both. "Lydia!"

Delia waved him over to join the hug.

"_Dad!_"

"What are you doing here, pumpkin?" Charles asked once the hug was over.

"You didn't kill yourself by accident in one of your stupid suicide threats, did you!" Delia snatched Lydia's arm, tugged her glove off, and examined her wrist.

Lydia groaned. "_No_. I haven't done that since Barbra… And I've never cut myself!" If Lydia was going to commit suicide, she wanted to feel the sensation of flying, not razors.

Yanking herself out of Delia's hold, Lydia took her glove back and put it on.

"You never know," said Delia with her nose in the air.

"Lydia, are you dead?"

"_No_, I'm _not_ dead. I've been coming here a long time. I'm sure Betel—wait, Delia, did you call him Beetleman?"

Delia looked at Lydia confused "Yes?"

Lydia turned to Betelgeuse. She was so furious with him that she didn't even notice he zapped himself into the selfish Otherworld "philanthropist." "You mean you haven't told them!"

"Told them what?"

"That you're _Betelgeuse!_ The Dead Guy! _'Ghost with the Most'!_ Tried to scare us from our own house and marry me!"

He chuckled. "_Heh_, kids and their imaginations! Can't get enough of it!" He ruffled Lydia's hair. She shoved him away.

"Wait, _you're_ the tyrant that haunted our house!" Delia yelled. "You inspired some of my _best_ work!" Lydia was baffled. Was Delia enraged or overzealous with thanks?

Smirking, Betelgeuse said, "I have that effect on some people." Lydia elbowed him. "_Hey!_"

As if bees stung him, Charles's face enflamed with red and his cheeks puffed. His mouth scrunched into a little "o" and his ruby cheeks deflated as he shook his finger and yelled, "You're the guy that almost _killed_ me! You-you-_you_—!"

"Charles!" Delia grabbed his shoulder. "Breathe. Your nerves."

"My nerves don't matter anymore, Delia! I'm _dead!_ All thanks to _that_ guy!"

"_Charles_," Delia moaned. "That happened _years_ ago. I'm not too happy about it either, but he's been a good host. I mean, just look at all the art I've done! And think of all the times he's helped us as Beetleman!"

"Good host?" Lydia thought. Betelgeuse was more like a parasite to most people. A mooch.

"Yeah, uh, no hard feelings, Chucky," Betelgeuse tapped Charles's arm. "Just part of the job description." He snorted. "You know how it is."

"Was inspiring my wife to create a statue that _killed_ her part of that 'description'! Was making Lydia an orphan part of that 'description' too!" Betelgeuse removed his hand. "You've made my life a living hell, and now you've not only taken away the life of me and Delia, but you've ruined what's left of Lydia's childhood! I wanted to see Lydia off to college! Go to her wedding!"

"Well, you've been to one of her weddings." Betelgeuse tittered. "Once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, am I right?"

Lydia pulled on Betelgeuse's arm and sharply whispered, "Not a good time to joke, Betelgeuse!"

"Just tryin' to lighten the mood, babes," he muttered back in defense.

"You listen here, buster!" Charles snatched Betelgeuse by the shirt and yanked him over. "You stay away from my daughter!"

"Dad, that's not necessary."

"_Pumpkin_," he snapped, "this isn't you're place!"

"Yeah, but Dad—" There was a knock at the door.

"Uh, can someone get that?" Betelgeuse asked. "I'm, uh, a little _'hung-up,'_ if ya know what I mean."

"I'll get it!" Delia ran to the door and opened it. "Yes?"

"Is Betelgeuse here?"

"Um, well, he's—" Delia looked over at Charles.

"Let them in." He let go of Betelgeuse, and two policemen pushed passed Delia.

"Are you Betelgeuse?" asked the bigger of the policemen. He had dark blue skin. The other looked normal, with the exception of a shot wound through the chest of his uniform.

"Uh, you've got the wrong guy!" Betelgeuse brushed invisible dust from his shirt. "I'm Beetle_man_. Easy mistake."

"Address says a mister Betelgeuse lives here."

"That's him!" Lydia's dad pointed. "Arrest the culprit for whatever crime he's done. You know what, let _me_ arrest him! I'll do it for you!"

"Way to go, snitch." Betelgeuse grumbled before turning into himself. Lydia could hear Delia moan "_ew_" behind her. "What do ya want?"

"We have witnesses saying you drove a sandworm to the Otherworld?"

"Yeah, so? I've accidently brought a sandworm or two to the other side before, what's the big deal?"

"This wasn't accidental. We were told it was on purpose. And we know when your name's involved, it's to cause havoc."

"Hey, that Maitland girl sent one on me, and she never got in trouble!"

"That's because she set it on _you_."

Betelgeuse groaned. "I didn't cause no trouble! The sandworm was after my house!"

The policeman pointed at the door. "Isn't that a sandworm outside? Got a collar on it. It's not attacking your property."

"_That_ one didn't attack his house!" Lydia yelled. "It's his pet!"

"So you're training them now?"

"_What!_" Causing havoc and lying about it was nothing new for Betelgeuse, but even that accusation was startling.

"Betelgeuse isn't training them! He's _afraid_ of them!"

"Then how do you explain his 'pet'?"

"I made him save Wormy"—now Sandy—"from some hunters when it was just a baby. It's the only sandworm he can tolerate. And one of the only things that can tolerate him." But even the loving Sandy freaked Betelgeuse out. Lydia could tell from the massive chain. It wasn't there to prevent Sandy from running away (if memory served, Sandy would do almost anything for Betelgeuse); it was to keep Sandy a safe distance away. But Betelgeuse secretly liked him. She knew he did, even if Sandy was all grown up and more menacing-looking now.

"And how do you explain him riding the sandworm to the Otherworld?"

"First off, he wasn't 'riding' the sandworm, he was holding on to its tail; secondly, he was trying to _stop_ it. And I helped him. I called his name, and we all came here."

"You're that living girl," he said a bit surprised. "Alright then, where is the sandworm _now_?"

"Um," Lydia glanced at Betelgeuse. "We don't know."

"_Mm-hmm_… Betelgeuse, we'll be taking you with us."

Lydia couldn't believe this! "On what charges!"

"Lydia, sweetie," Charles pat her shoulder, "let the cop do his job."

"No! He has no right to take Betelgeuse! He did nothing wrong!" Of all the stupid things they could arrest him for, it was this! They'd been through similar scenarios before, and no one ever believed Betelgeuse's innocence, and if they did, they wanted him punished for some other crap he'd pulled.

"The only Otherworld witness you have is me, and I can tell you he didn't cause any havoc. In fact, he _saved_ me! That means you have no grounds to arrest him!" Lydia seized Betelgeuse's arm. "BetelgeuseBetelgeuseBetelgeuse!"

They evaporated from site.

(0_0)

Lydia let go of Betelgeuse's arm and walked away.

"_Sooo_, now what?"

"How about 'Thanks, babe! That was a close one!'?" He snorted. "I had half-a-mind to let the cop take you!"

"Oh come on, Lyds! How can you still be upset?"

"Oh, let me see!" Lydia picked up her bike again and put the books that fell back into the basket. "You tried to sabotage another date, flicked me off instead of talking about it, ignored my calls, and when I really needed you, you weren't there!"

"It was just a stupid date. No one got hurt."

"I'm not mad about the date, Betelgeuse! I'm pissed that you ignored me! My dad was in the hospital suffering from a heart attack, and I was _terrified_! I had never been so scared!" And Lydia had been through a lot of scary shit (even if some of it wasn't always frightening to her). "You're my _best_ friend! You should have been there for me! But instead you were too proud and bitter to give a damn!"

"I _told_ you," he tossed his hands up, "I _tried_ reaching you, but you ignored _me_! When I saw Chuck and Delia, I tried to let you know."

"But I wasn't ignoring you. I blocked you so you'd stop bothering me on my date. That was _it_." During her date, Lydia excused herself, went to the restroom, checked to see if she was alone, yelled at Betelgeuse who claimed her date was lame, and said the chant to close the door. The next day, she chanted the door open again, but Betelgeuse wanted nothing to do with her.

He grumbled.

"Oh forget it!" Lydia hopped on her bike and started peddling. "You're just an ungrateful pri—" She skidded to a halt. "What the hell! Betelgeuse, look at this!"

Hands shoved in his pockets, he walked over. "Whoa." There was a huge pit where the Sandworm had sprung from. They both looked over the edge.

"You can see right into the Netherworld!" Of all Lydia's hopping between realms, she had never encountered something like this. "How did it happen?"

He shrugged. "Beats me, toots."

"_BJ_." He knew Lydia didn't like being called that—by anyone. "Babes," was fine, but "toots" made her feel like a piece of chewed up candy.

He shrugged her comment off and spit into the hole.

Lydia shook her head. "_Nice_… Say, how come we couldn't see the Otherworld from down there?"

Shrugging again, he said "Eh, a cloud?"

"Yeah, it was pretty cloudy… Wait, what if someone sees this! Ghosts are going to be able to come and go whenever they please!"

"Most ghosts can't fly that high, babes. Besides, who's gonna see? You're dad, _Jacques_?" He snickered. "I think we're safe."

"Okay, fine, but what about people here? What if someone falls through!"

Betelgeuse huffed and thought. "Yeah, I got nothin'."

"Um, what about a board?"

"A board?"

"Yeah, you know, a big plank. With clouds painted on one side."

"Alright." Pulling up his sleeves, he zapped up a wooden board large enough to cover the hole, a couple paintbrushes, and some buckets of paint. The brushes dipped themselves in the paint and quickly went to work smothering the board in colors to match the Netherworld sky. "Anything else?" asked Betelgeuse with a snarky attitude as he placed the painted board over the hole.

"Yes. Cover it with dirt and grass so that it blends in. There's plenty of debris from what used to be the ground before you two crashed through it. You can use that. Or just materialize new stuff."

"That's something _you_ can do."

"That's not fair! I don't have powers that can do the work for me! And there is no way I can make it look natural!" If left to Lydia, she could make a big dirt pile, but it would look like someone dug up or buried something. What if someone got curious? Maybe Lydia could buy pre-grown grass, but that would look really silly amongst wild grass.

"Yeah, yeah, _fine_…" With a snap of his fingers, what looked like an excavation site suddenly looked like a normal woodland trail. "Happy?"

"I guess." Lydia readjusted herself on the bike and peddled over the board. Seemed safe.

"Whoa, where are ya going!" Betelgeuse floated after her.

"To Chloe's."

"Who the hell is that?"

"My dad's sister. I've been living with her the past few months."

"Why?"

Lydia glared at him a moment before turning her attention to the path.

"_What!_"

"My parents _died_, Betelgeuse! Where am I supposed to live? An orphanage?"

"Coulda stayed at my place."

She groaned. They couldn't reach each other. How'd he expect her to bunk at his place?

For a while, they were both quiet. Betelgeuse stopped floating and started walking when they neared the end of the trail. "So what is this place? Not Peaceful Pines."

"Sleepy Seaside," Lydia answered.

"Got a knack for living in alliterations, huh babes?"

"That's not the town's actual name. I just nicknamed it that because it's boring as hell, and the people here are a snore… when not all Hell's-Fire and God's-Wrath about my style and religious skepticism." That was an exaggeration, but nevertheless, it ticked Lydia off. She wasn't a conformist!

"Sounds worse than Pines."

"It _is_!"

"Too bad you couldn't stay at your parents' place."

"I plan on moving back there when I finish school. Don't know where I'm going to college, but I do know I'm not losing that house. Delia worked so hard on it, and it has too many memories. Besides, I promised Barbra. I can't sell it."

"Why not move back now?"

"I'm not eighteen yet, Betelgeuse. Aunt Chloe won't have it."

"What's with this aunt Chloe? She sounds like a bitch."

Lydia sighed. "She's not. She just doesn't get me. She thinks I'm messed up because of when my mom died, but I'm not. I'm just me."

"Why not ditch the broad?" He laughed. "I'll help you!"

"Thanks, but can't. She worries enough as it is."

Betelgeuse put his hands behind his head. "I don't get it. Why do you have to stay with her?"

"Because she's my guardian now. I, _legally_, can't be free of her until I'm an adult."

"You're an adult to me, babes."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "_Thanks_."

"What?"

"Nothing… We're almost there."

(0_0)

Lydia parked her bike around back and grabbed her books. "Come on. Time for Aunt Chloe to meet the family friend." Lydia walked up the stairs. "BJ, you coming?"

"Uh, I'll just stay here, babes."

Lydia scrutinized him. Betelgeuse was _fidgeting_!

She hopped down the stairs and grabbed his hand. "Come on! There aren't any sandworms!" She tugged, but he wouldn't budge. "_Betelgeuse_!"

"I can't go, babes!"

"Why not!"

"It's… _blessed_."

"What?" Lydia looked back at the house. "You mean, like, holy water and prayer stuff? Oh, come on! You're the Ghost with the Most! A little water won't hurt you!" He was fine earlier today when he cannonballed into the new lake.

"You don't get it, babes. I can't enter. My juice won't penetrate."

Lydia let go of his hand and crossed her arms. "_Phrasing_."

He snickered. "Even if I wanted to, Lyds, I can't. The house is anti-poltergeist."

"But I'm inviting you in?"

"I said anti-poltergeist, not anti-vampire. _Yeesh_, babes, you're getting sloppy on your Dead Lore!"

"Now what?"

He shrugged. "Wanna go back to my place?"

She moaned. "_Yes_, but I can't. Aunt Chloe is expecting me for dinner, and I have class tomorrow."

"Guess that means you're not angry anymore?" He smirked.

"_Goodbye_ Betelgeuse. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She waved. "Betelgeuse, Betel—"

"Whoa, wait a sec, babes!"

"Yeah?"

"What if you can't reach me?"

"Don't be silly, BJ."

"Seriously, babes. Think about it. You're living in a blessed house."

"You mean _that's_ why we haven't been able to reach each other? Because the house has been blessed!"

He nodded.

"That must be why I couldn't reach you at school either!"

Betelgeuse cringed in repulse. "What schools are blessed?"

"The Catholic ones."

"You go to a Catholic school! _Nice_!"

"Don't make fun, Betelgeuse! The school isn't _that_ bad! It's just… different."

"Uh-huh."

"Tell you what," Lydia inched in closer. "I'll call you tomorrow in the woods where the sandworm attacked. If that doesn't work, I'll dig up the plank and dive."

"Ya sure that's safe?" Not that he cared about safety all that much, if at all.

"It's not _that_ far a jump. A slip off the Cliffside is farther. And that ends with jagged rocks!" On her way to school, Lydia would sneak a shovel in the woods in case the chant didn't work "Oh, and BJ, can I have my uniform and satchel back?" She had almost forgotten! That would have been embarrassing.

After he zapped her uniform and satchel back on, she sent him home and went inside.


	2. Mummy Dearest

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Miss Alice Mina (little-bow-peep)

Part II

"Lydia," Charles said, "listen to your mother."

"She's _not_ my mom! She's my _step_-mom!" Lydia was sick of Charles referring to Delia as her "mother." Her mother was _dead_! And no matter how many times Charles called Delia "Lydia's mom," it wasn't going to change that. This eccentric redhead was never going to replace her _true_ mother!

"Lydia, apologize to Delia this instant."

"It's okay Charles," Delia butt-in. "I _only_ married into this family. I haven't earned the right to be respected as the mother of this household. Maybe if I went through _eight hours_ of labor and shot a baby from between my legs, Lydia would change her opinion."

"Oh right, like _you'd_ ever want to give birth."

"I give birth every day!"

"Your sculptures don't count," Lydia said before running off to her room, slamming the door, and tossing herself on the bed. "No one understands me!" she moaned, covering her forehead with the back of her hand. "I'm half an orphan! Doomed to the autocracy of that she-devil!"

There was a slight rap on the door and Barbara glided in. "Lydia, sweetie?" She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Lydia's hair. Lydia looked up at her. "I think you really hurt Delia's feelings."

"Delia would have to have feelings to hurt."

"_Lydia_." She shook her head.

Lydia sat up on her knees. "I should have been _your_ daughter! You're more of a mom than that witch!"

"You don't mean that. Delia loves you, and you love her."

"That woman doesn't know how to love anything accept her 'art.'"

"That's not true. You and Charles mean the world to her."

"Dad maybe, but not me."

"Remember when… you know?"

Lydia shook her head.

"Oh," Barbara pinched her lips in thought. "When _he_ was here?"

"Oh." She meant _him_. Lydia got the shivers just thinking about the whole ordeal. And it wasn't easy to give _Lydia_ shivers. "Yeah… I remember."

"Nothing mattered more to her than your safety."

Lydia sighed. "_Maybe_… But Delia never wanted kids."

"Well, maybe Delia didn't want kids, but she was blessed with having the best daughter."

"I don't know…"

"I do." Barbara tucked Lydia's hair behind her ear. "I always wanted kids."

"Why didn't you have any?"

"I couldn't."

"Because you're dead?"

"No." Barbara looked down at the comforter. "Adam and I thought about adopting since I couldn't get pregnant, but…"

"Then you died?"

"Yes… Then your family moved in."

"And you tried to kick us out," Lydia nudged her.

"Well, yeah," Barbara giggled. "But I couldn't go through with it. You're like a daughter to me, Lydia."

"I really _should_ have been your kid!"

Barbara sighed. "Lydia, trust me, Delia feels the same way for you that I do."

"She has a funny way of showing it."

"No. She has a _different_ way of showing it. You may have lost one mother, Lydia, but you gained two, plus Adam. You're not half an orphan. You're a treasured daughter." Barbara kissed the top of Lydia's head. "Now I think someone is owed an apology."

Lydia groaned, "_Okay_," and got up.

"Oh, and Lydia."

"Yeah?" she said, already at the door.

"Call her 'mom.' I think she'd like that."

(0_0)

"Um, Delia?" Lydia walked into the art studio.

"What is it Lydia? Can't you see I'm working?"

"I, uh," she rubbed her arm, "wanted to apologize… for earlier…"

"Don't bother. I know I could never be the mother to you that Ida was."

"That's just it," she said looking at the ground. "I always thought that by calling you mom, I was replacing my birth mom… I didn't want to admit she was dead."

"Lydia, we live in a haunted house! You'd think the whole dead thing would be a moot point!"

"I know… I just realized that… Well, I've been treating you like an evil step-mother when I should have been treating you like the mom you are... _my_ mom."

Delia turned around, chisel in hand. "Oh, Lydia! Do you really mean it?"

She nodded. "Yeah… I may have lost a mom, but I gained two great ones."

"_Oh!_" Delia skipped over and hugged Lydia, covering her black dress in powder. "Why don't you grab an apron and join me!"

"But… I thought you liked working alone?"

"Well we're about to make a marvelous mother-daughter sculpture to celebrate this moment! What do you think? Should we use clay for this one? I think it would be the perfect medium!"

"Sure. Sounds nice."

(0_0)

"Here." Lydia handed Barbara a little gray figure.

"What's this?" Barbara examined it after taking it from Lydia. "Oh, it's two bats!"

"It's a mom and baby Pteropus. It's us…" Lydia thought if Delia and her had a special mother-daughter statuette, then she and Barbara should have one too. "I know it's not the best sculpture, but—"

Barbara threw her arms around Lydia. "Oh, it's _perfect_! I'll cherish it always!"


	3. Delia's Delights

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Miss Alice Mina (little-bow-peep)

Part III

The moment that last bell rang, Lydia darted out of the classroom, pushing past her peers. She didn't care if she bumped into them. Today, she was going to see her parents again! Her friends! Even if it meant digging up the plank and taking a dive, she was going to see them. She _had_ to see them!

When she reached the spot in woods, she picked up the shovel, hoping she wouldn't have to use it. "Betelgeuse," she gulped. "Betelgeuse." Her hand tightened around the wooden handle. "Betelgeuse."

Nothing.

Lydia's heart sank. _No._ This couldn't be happening! Maybe if tried again? "Betelg—" A hand covered her mouth.

"Watch it babes! You trying to send me back! He removed his hand. "_Geesh_, you can't be sick of me already!"

She dropped the shovel and turned around. "_Betelgeuse!_"

"Hey! I told you to be careful!"

"Why didn't you show? I thought—_Where were you_!"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I wanted to surprise ya."

Lydia popped his arm. "You _idiot_! I thought it didn't work! Do you know how long shoving would have taken me! I'm not a grave digger! Don't _do_ that!"

He shrugged. "I thought it'd be funny."

She hit him again. "Well it wasn't! You had me scared!"

"Heh," he laughed. "So it worked then!" Maybe not the way he intended, but he still got a fright out of her.

Lydia hit his arm a third time.

"_Alright!_ Stop with the hitting! It's gonna bruise!"

"You're dead."

"So!"

Lydia rolled her eyes and hooked arms with him. "Let's go, you wussy."

Betelgeuse flicked her on the head.

"_Ow!_ You ass!"

"So are we going, babes?"

After sighing over his stupidity, Lydia said his name.

(0_0)

"WHAT THE HELL!" Betelgeuse shouted. "What is _he_ doing here!"

Delia peaked around the giant mass of her ghost guest. "Beetle-er-you're back! This is—"

"I know who it is! Why is he in my house!"

"Oh, he's a client!"

"What, you're a hooker now!"

Lydia slapped his arm. "Beetlejuice!"

"_What!_"

The Monster—that's what everyone called him because of his huge size, booming voice, and massive hog motorcycle—turned around to greet Betelgeuse and Lydia. "You never told me _The_ Delia Deetz was a guest of yours! What an honor it must be, having such a fine lady in your premises."

"Yeah-yeah, a great honor," Betelgeuse waved him off. "Now tell me, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

"Oh," The Monster laughed. "She's making my little lady a present. Must be where all Lydia's talent comes from."

Lydia blushed, not sure what to say.

"Whoa, hold up now. You mean she's making a deal _without me_!"

Delia asked "Why wouldn't I?"

"No offence babes, but _I'm_ the one who's been managing your art down here! You'd be nothing without me!"

Huffing, Delia crossed her arms. "My art's been doing prodigiously well where I'm from!"

"Yeah, well it wouldn't be nothing without me here! You don't know anything about Netherworld business! This isn't your husband's domain anymore, babes!"

She tossed her head as to flip the curls plastered on her forehead. "Then what do you propose we do?"

"Spilt the profits seventy-five, twenty-five."

Lydia interjected, pulling on his sleeve, "Betelgeuse, you can't extort my mother like that!"

"_Fine_, sixty-five percent of the profits will go to me, and the rest can go to DD."

"_DD?_"

"Your mom."

"Betelgeuse, that still isn't fair!"

"It's plenty fair, babes! Your mom's a huge success, and has been for some time. Her shit—" Lydia coughed "—_art_ isn't going anywhere." Betelgeuse turned his attention back to The Monster. "As long as it's SCARES!"

"Oh, what's a little commission amongst friends," Delia asked.

"_FRIENDS!_"

Lydia tugged on his sleeve again. "Betelgeuse, _stop_."

"_Lydia_," her mom scolded her, "let us adults discuss business!" Lydia couldn't believe this. Did you mom actually shut her up in favor of Betelgeuse? Did Lydia miss something?

"Beetleman, I'm making this sculpture."

"_But_—"

"You can help me decide the final price and discuss business with Charles. My job is designing a _marvelous_ sculpture for this man's anniversary! Now if you don't mind, _I'm_ going to get back to work." Delia spun on her heels, waved The Monster to follow her, and sashaying out of the room.

"You're lucky she agreed to keep you as manager."

"I can't believe she's working with _him_!"

"Oh please, he's not that bad a guy. _You_ on the other hand…" Lydia giggled.

"Eh, Shut-up," he mumbled.

"Why, so you can cheat my mom out of more money."

"She's _famous_—because of _me_!"

"That's the problem, Beej! Give her some credit! It's _Delia's_ art! It's a part of her! I'm sure she's thankful for what you've done"—why else would she let this con do business with Charles—"but you can't go insulting her work, and you _certainly_ can't boss Delia around!"

He grumbled, "I can do what I want."

"Not to my parents!"

They were silent.

"Want to go out?" Betelgeuse glared at the room Delia and The Monster went into. "It's a little crowded here."

Lydia shrugged. "I guess… Hey, can we pick up Ginger and Jac! I haven't seen them _forever_!" she groaned.

"Eh, yeah, sure. Whatever, babes." He opened the door for her and slammed it shut behind him.


	4. Poltergeist Persecution

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Miss Alice Mina (Mina Little)

Part IV

"You're late _again_, Lydia!" Chloe yelled her niece walked through the backdoor.

Lydia set her books on the breakfast table. "What's for dinner?"

"_Lydia!_ This is getting ridiculous! Where have you been!"

"I told you, I've been studying in the woods."

"It's nightfall!"

Lydia crossed her arms. "I have a flashlight."

"No more late nights, Lydia! I mean it!"

Lydia rolled her eyes. "I'm perfectly safe. It's not like one of these bible-heads is going to kidnap or kill me."

Chloe slapped her across the face. Lydia stood there stupefied. No one had ever slapped her before. Not even Betelgeuse who was fond of slapping women's rears. "I just lost my brother! I don't need to be worried about losing my niece too! _Come home!_"

Lydia sat down and let her satchel fall from her shoulder.

"And that's not the only thing! One of your classmates came by. They said they've seen you hanging out with some strange man!"

_Betelgeuse_. "Oh, um… about that…" Her aunt sat down next to her, awaiting the explanation. "He's a family friend. He came into town to check on me."

"And you didn't bother telling me this _why_?"

"Well, he wasn't staying here, so I didn't think it mattered."

"Lydia! I need to know _where_ you are! _Who_ you're with! What if something happens!"

"Mr. Beetleman is a close friend of my parents. They wouldn't care. They'd be _happy_ if they knew."

"Well!" Chloe sat back. "If that's the case, I want to meet him!"

Lydia looked up at her aunt. _Her_? Meet _Betelgeuse_! "_Why?_"

"Oh Lydia, _please_. Wipe the worry off your face." As she pat Lydia's arm, Lydia twitched. "It's just dinner."

"D-diner?"

"What did you think?"

"You don't mean dinner _here_, do you?"

"Lydia, what has gotten into you? I understand the moping; I've been lenient with your wardrobe. What else is wrong?"

"N-nothing! I just… why can't we eat out? That way everyone can order what they want, and you don't have to cook an unplanned meal!"

Chloe shook her head. "Fine, we can eat—"

"Italian!" Lydia shouted. Italian was about the only way she was going to get Betelgeuse to not make a bug out his meal.

"I was going to say 'out,' but okay." Chloe stood up. "I would go ahead and invite him, but since _you're_ the one in contact with him, _you_ can have the honor."

Lydia nodded in agreement.

(0_0)

Lydia yanked on the pale blue skirt of her "nice dress." "Where is that the bastard?" she muttered. She had called his name outside the restaurant; _it_ wasn't blessed! There should be no problem. Where was he!

"So who is this friend of your parents?" Duane asked. "The Mister Beetlllle…?"

"Man," Lydia finished. "It's Mr. Beetleman."

"Ah, right. What a strange name."

"Not as strange as 'Deetz'," a familiar voice laughed.

"Where _were_ you!" Lydia yelled. She would have stood, but her aunt was in the way.

"What? Had to freshen up, b—" Lydia coughed. "Had to freshen up."

"Well it's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Beetleman." Chloe held out her hand to shake, but Betelgeuse sat down next to her husband instead of taking it. Chloe awkwardly put her hands on her lap. "Shall we pray?"

Betelgeuse looked at Lydia. "_Seriously?_"

Before Chloe spoke up, Lydia answered. "Beetleman is a," she thought, "Buddhist! So he doesn't pray. Uh, not like we do."

"Well—" Chloe began, but Lydia kept going.

"Let's pray in silence."

"Okay?" After looking at Lydia as if she just came from the loony-bin, she folded her hands and closed her eyes, as did her husband. Lydia pretended to, but peaked out from under her lashes to watch Betelgeuse. He put his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his fist. With his other hand, he rapped the table with his red fingers. Lydia would have kicked him, but he was too far; she might kick Chloe or Duane instead.

When they finished, Lydia took a piece of bread and they ordered. It was silent until the food arrived: fish for her aunt; lasagna for her uncle; calamari for Lydia'; and, of course, spaghetti for Betelgeuse.

"So," Chloe broke the silence, also breaking into her fish. "Lydia tells me you were close with her parents?"

"Yeah," Betelgeuse shrugged a mouthful of pasta in his mouth.

"How did you meet?"

He swallowed, resisting the urge to make a pun of her sentence. "Eh, doing work on their house. You know. Not many people willing to work on that place."

"What did you think of my brother's house?"

Betelgeuse shrugged. "Not too shabby. Delia did quite a number on it. _Really_ improved the look."

"You… think so?"

"_Eh_," He shrugged again, shoving more food in his mouth, tomato sauce dripping off his fork onto the glass-covered tablecloth. Embarrassed, Lydia put her hand on her head. This wasn't going well.

"How are you liking your meal," Duane asked.

Betelgeuse shrugged again. "Fine… You know what's _really_ good!" Oh no. "Salad!"

"But you _hate_ salad!" Lydia said. Anything green—that was healthy—was off the menu for Betelgeuse.

"Not that kinda salad, Lyds." He laughed. "_Bee_ salad! They keep the critters whole and crunchy! Nothin' beets it, except of course—"

"I don't think my aunt and uncle are really interested in hearing about… uh, exotic foods."

"So you've eaten… bees?"

"Sure, toots!" Sauce flung from his fork and splattered onto the table near Chloe's plate. "I've tried all kinds'a stuff, being a travelin' entrepreneur and all. I recommend the grasshopper chips when ya get the chance! Crisp and spicy! Better than that potato shit here."

"Did you know," Lydia spoke up, hoping to salvage the conversation, "that insects are an extremely nutritious protein and low on calories, making them a popular dietary option in other countries!"

"Very fascinating," Chloe droned, not caring about the health benefits of creepy-crawlies; she might look like Pumbaa, but she was no bug-eater!

Betelgeuse opened his mouth to speak, but Lydia sliced her throat with her finger, signaling him to stop. He did, slopping another spoonful of spaghetti into his pie-hole instead.

After a long period of them eating in awkwardly in silence, Chloe resumed the conversation. "You know, you're not at all they type of person I envisioned my brother being friends with."

"Heh," he snorted. "Thanks, babes." Chloe was not at all amused. "I was a little closer with Delia. Worked out some deals, if you know what I mean."

Chloe gasped. "I think I do!" She scooted out of the both. "_Lydia!_" She yelled, leaning over and seizing Lydia's arm. "Come with me! You are not so see this—this _home-wrecker_ again!" She yanked on Lydia, causing her niece to bang the table, almost spilling a drink. Chloe tugged again, this time forcing Lydia to slide across the pleather bench in order to get out.

Betelgeuse leaned over the table and snatched the arm which held Lydia. "Let go of her!"

"_Excuse me!_"

"You can't treat Lyds like this!" If the people in the restaurant weren't staring before, they sure were now. Maybe Lydia should have suggested a picnic in the backyard instead?

"Lydia is none of your concern! You may have thought you could feign being Delia's husband, but no amount of pretending is going to make you Lydia's step-father!"

"Well if I _was_ her father, I'd sure as _hell_ be treating her better than you do!"

Chloe tried to pull away from his grasp, still holding onto her niece. "As if I would let Lydia into _your_ hands! A meatball eating Buddhist with fewer manners than a Neanderthal!"

"At least I'm not a hoity-toity twat who'd sooner bang her bible than her husband!" Betelgeuse eyed the manager coming to ask them out while Chloe gasped, appalled at such language!

As Lydia's aunt was about to speak, Betelgeuse sapped a waiter nearby —which only Lydia noticed—to drop his try on Chloe, dousing her pretty pink dress in soda, bear, and iced water.

Chloe shrieked, finally managing to escape Betelgeuse's hold on her. "Why, I never in all my life! Honey, we're going! _Now!_"

Chloe's husbanded tentatively tapped on Betelgeuse's arm. Betelgeuse moved so he could squeeze by.

As Chloe dragged Lydia away, Betelgeuse shouted, "Leaving already, toots? We were just getting started!"

"Beetleman," Lydia shouted back. "Not now!"

"But, babes—"

Chloe tugged on Lydia's arm so she would speed up. "_Later_, Beetleman!"

When Lydia had gone, Betelgeuse plopped back down and was handed the check. "_Great_. Now I'm left here _and_ with the check… _bleck_….."

(0_0)

"He was right about you! You _are_ a bitch!" Lydia ran up to her room—what used to be the attic until it was converted into a guest room—and locked the door. She couldn't believe this. How could her aunt be so cruel! Chloe was just looking for an excuse to hate Mr. Beetleman! She didn't even _know_ him! And _Betelgeuse_! He knew about her aunt; they went over how he needed to act during dinner. Why did he have to act like a slob, a _jerk_! Lydia knew he had manners harbored somewhere inside him! How could he do that to her! He was her one friend here! Here one connection to Peaceful Pines, to her _home_!

It didn't matter. Aunt's approval or not, Lydia wasn't going to stop hanging out with him, even if that meant traveling to the Netherworld more often! She _needed_ to travel to the Netherworld! That's where her real family was! Delia, her dad, Ginger, Jac, Doom, Beej—_they _were her family. Not her prude aunt Chloe and her uncle Duane who rivaled Charles in timidity! Why did Chloe even agree to be Lydia's godmother? Why did she accept becoming her guardian? She obviously didn't want her. Lydia might as well be kidnapped or killed. It'd free aunt Chloe from her charity. To keep being a burden here, why, why it was a _disservice _to these people, like being forced to harbor a criminal! Leaving would be the kindest thing Lydia ever did!

But then… Chloe did care. Maybe she didn't show it in the way Lydia wanted, maybe she didn't really get Lydia, but Chloe was trying. After all, it was partly Lydia's fault… She _was_ the one to go out without telling Chloe, and she _was_ hanging out with some stranger that Chloe didn't know. Maybe she didn't approve of Lydia's clothes or friends, but it was only because Chloe wanted what she thought was best for Lydia, even if Lydia disagreed. Chloe just wanted her nearby. Safe.

Lydia turned onto her stomach and hugged her pillow. She missed her fraidy-cat, Percy; her friends at Peaceful Pines that grew to accept her strange and unusual self. She missed her nervous, bird-watching dad; her step-mother's yelling and constant redecorating; Adam's tutoring and lame jokes; Barbara's hugs and advice; her birth mom… Even when she visited her parents, Charles and Delia weren't quite the same now that they were dead, in the Netherworld, knowing her secret. Everything had changed. Lydia didn't like it…..

(0_0)

"Sorry about not calling last night to send you home." Betelgeuse shrugged. "I was really upset with… well, everything. I'm not really sure what to think."

"Babes, why don't you just come back with me? Skip school. Fuck, skip _life_! Let's blow this joint! God—or whoever—knows this place _already_ blows! Whadya say?"

Lydia looked down at the concreate. "No. I mean, I don't know. Beej, I'm not… I'm not well enough to make that kind of decision."

"What do'ya mean you're 'not well enough'?" He air quoted. "I've _never_ been well, I'm _always_ making decisions!"

"Beej, I'm sick."

He put his hand on her head. "Seem fine to me, babes." She swatted him off as he laughed.

"Not that kind of sick. Beej, I've been… well… suicidal again. I almost killed myself that day at Cliffside. With the worm."

"So?"

Lydia sighed. "You never did get it…"

"All I know, babes, is that I'm somehow the reason you never die! I don't get it! The first time we met, it was because you _wanted_ out!"

"The first time we met, you almost killed my dad as a snake."

"Eh-_heheh_," Smirking, he rubbed the back of his neck. "I wouldn't exactly call that 'meeting.' But you gotta admit I did leave a pretty deep impression."

Annoyed, Lydia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, _deep_."

"Babes?"

"Just forget it, Beej! I don't want to talk about this!" She'd _snap_ if she had to keep explaining herself. She _wanted_ to die! But she also… _didn't_. And somehow, Betelgeuse's pestering her to kill herself only made her feel worse, more like she _should_ die, even though she knew the reason he said it wasn't because he wanted her gone. It was for the opposite reason: he wanted her around.

As weird as it was, his obnoxious jokes and attempts to make her feel better somehow gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, living wasn't all that bad. But encouraging her death? It wasn't funny. Lydia didn't know what she wanted! She only knew she wasn't in a good enough place to make such huge decisions. There was still enough sense left in Lydia for her to recognize how irrational she could be when re-entering this extra-dark spell, and if Betelgeuse kept pushing, Lydia would be fully immersed in that lonely darkness, and she didn't want to be there again. She _really_ didn't want to be there! But it was coming, she could feel it, and it weighed her down.

"I get it, babes."

"No you don't! Just shut up!"

He spoke anyway. "You want to disappear. Dying ain't gonna do that. You know it isn't an escape, especially with your folks down there and all. You don't think I've felt like I wanted to disappear? _Believe_ _me_, babes; once you've been in a sandworm's gut, you want nothin' _but_ to disappear! Swimmin' in that shit ain't fun!"

"Disappearing does sound awfully good right now…"

"Heheh," he chuckled. "See! I told ya I—" Betelgeuse stopped.

Lydia looked behind her. "What's wrong?"

"Uh, blessed property. Can't exactly, ya know, haunt."

"Oh, right." Lydia had just walked onto the school's front yard. "Want me to call?"

"Nah, I'll just wait for ya." Betelgeuse crossed his arms and smirked, eyeing the people walking by. "Lots of suckers I can mess with while you're gone—eh, just don't become _gone_ gone, kay babes? I don't want to be _stuck_ here!"

"Sure," Lydia rolled her eyes again, somehow managing a smile, and continued off to school.

(0_0)

Oh no. "Beetleman!" Lydia shouted. "_Beetleman!_" Where the hell was he now! This was an emergency! "Beetle—"

"I'm here, I'm here! Quit your hollerin'!"

"You've gotta go!"

"What?"

"Some of my classmates, they—" Lydia looked around, grabbed Betelgeuse by his blazer and tugged him behind a tree to insure they were out of site. "They're onto you."

He scoffed. "Please? _These_ idiots!"

"_Shh!_" Lydia glanced around the tree, and then back at him. "You know the Salem Witch Trials? Well, this is becoming the Sleepy Seaside Poltergeist Persecution! I overheard it in the girl's restroom. Someone saw me go into the woods with a shovel. Apparently they followed me after school and saw you! Betelgeuse, this is bad! Really, _really_ bad! The town hasn't been looking at us funny because, well, you're weird and I'm Goth. They've been _watching_ you—_us_! They think I summoned you from _Hell_!"

"Heh," he laughed. "Hell, huh? I can show 'em hell!"

Lydia yanked on his blazer, tugging him down. "Not funny! You're in _danger_! And I'm in _huge_ trouble! You _have_ to go!"

Betelgeuse pulled her arm off him. "The hell I'm leaving you here after what your aunt did."

Lydia looked down. "Betelgeuse, she… she didn't do anything… I overreacted."

"Bullshit."

Lydia groaned. They didn't have time for this! "_Sorry!_" She shoved him back and ran off. Before Betelgeuse could react to what happened, she chanted his name, sending him to the Netherworld. "Sorry Beej," she whispered. "But I can't risk it." If he got caught, it was all _her_ fault! After all the people Lydia lost, she couldn't lose him too. Who else would be able to take her sightseeing on the dragster; take her to visit her parents and ghost friends; accompany her to figure out what ailed the Netherworld; tell crappy jokes that no one else ventured to say; travel to Peaceful Pines so she could see Prudence, Bertha, and her other friends? Who else would understand her strangeness and find it unique, not weird? Lydia would miss him. And she'd be reasonable if he was gone. Like she was with her mother.

Lydia couldn't let that happen again!

(0_0)

Rapping at the door woke Lydia. "It's Sunday, Lydia!" Harder knocking. "Time to get ready for church!"

Moaning, Lydia covered her head with the blanket. "I don't _do_ church… I do sleeping in…"

"Lydia, _up_!"

"Can't you just go without me?"

Chloe banged on the door. "You have twenty minutes! Now hurry up or you're grounded!"

"I'm_ already_ grounded," Lydia groaned. "I'm buried underground! Suffocating on dirt! _Choking_!"

"_Twenty minutes_." Lydia could almost see Chloe's gray eyes rolling on her doughy cheeks like misplaced olives on raw pizza, sick of Lydia's melodrama.

Before flinging the sheets off and forcing herself to crawl out of bed and to the wardrobe, Lydia listened to her aunt's heals clicking on the wooden stairs. Chloe would want her to wear something bright and perky for church, like pink. _Ick_.

Red! Red was pink, just without the white tint. And it was bright! Lydia would wear red. If her aunt had a problem with it, then she could send Lydia back to bed! That's where Lydia belonged. Asleep. In a garden bed. Of poppies. Sweet, red poppies.

(0_0)

"_Shit!_" Lydia clutched her cat keychain to shut it up.

"Lydia, was that Beetleman's voice I heard?" Chloe looked around.

"If it was, he wasn't talking to me."

"Huh? Well come on; let's find a seat." The church was hosting some annual fundraising lunch at the local park. It was the first one Lydia ever attended and her aunt and uncle wanted her making a good impression.

"Actually, can I go to the car really fast? I left my… lip gloss in it."

Chloe dug in her purse and pulled out the keys. "I'll save you a seat."

"Thanks!" Lydia snatched the keys and ran to the car. Once in it, she released her keychain.

"You tryin' to suffocate me!"

"You're dead. You'll live." He coughed. "You know what I mean, BJ. What are doing here?"

"You haven't come down in a while, babes."

"I'd have to summon you, and you know why I can't do that."

"Exactly! That's why I'm in your pussy, babes."

Lydia glared him. "Seriously, _wording_."

He chuckled. "Sorry, I couldn't resist." Lydia rolled her eyes. "Ya sure you don't want to ditch?"

"I can't."

"Oh come on, babes! _Pleeeeeease!_ Delia is driving me nuts!"

"I said I can't, Beej."

"Well then at least let me stick around. I'm bored as fuck over here!"

"Fine. Just be quite, okay."

"Yeah, yeah, _no problem!_"

Lydia got out of the car to join the churchies at their picnic table. Some of her classmates were there. They looked up at her and started snickering as she took her seat next to Chloe. Lydia wondered what it was this time: her style or her being the town witch who summoned a demonic spirit to go shopping with?

"Lydia," Chloe spoke in a hushed voice. "People are saying that Beetleman is demon you summoned?"

Lydia blushed, clutching her keychain. "What do you expect? He's a strange guy."

"_Strange!_ He cat called my daughter!" The woman across from Lydia shouted.

"So? She's an adult. It's not like she hasn't been hit on by older men before," Lydia defended. Who was this woman to interrupt her conversation with her aunt?

A girl in her algebra class joined in. "Jack says he saw you summon that guy in the woods after sacrificing a rabbit!"

Lydia stood up. "I'd _never_ sacrifice an animal! Not even a spider!" How could anyone think that of her!

A man on the other end of the table stood up. "That's the guy people are calling a demon! He's the reason people got food poisoning at my diner!"

"That must be why my sister got pneumonia!" another person shouted.

"I bet that car wreck was his fault too!"

"He wouldn't do, I mean _couldn't_ do, any of those things! You can't blame your misfortunes on guy you don't even know!"

"Lydia is this true?" her aunt asked. "Did you summon a demon?"

"_No!_"

The girl in her algebra class stood up and slammed her hands on the table, brown hair falling over her shoulders. "Everyone knows you're a witch! It's amazing you don't burst into flames every Sunday! I don't know why they even invited you to this event!"

"I'm not a which! I'm a Wiccan! And I _don't_ sacrifice animals! And I haven't summoned a demon!" Lydia took a step back. Everyone was suspicious. They weren't going to burn her at the stake, were they! That was a medieval thing, right? _Right?_

"He said you summoned him by saying… 'bug guts, bug juice'?"

"Beetle juice!" Her friend said.

The girl snapped her fingers. "That's it! Beetle juice!"

"His name is 'Beetleman'!" Lydia lied. "Betelgeuse is the name of a star."

"I guess witches are into astrology, then?"

"It's _astronomy_!" How was this girl an honors student? "And you can't summon anything with the name of a star!"

"If he's really not a demon, then nothing should happen if I say it, right?" Lydia inched farther away. She could feel the heat leaving her face, the cat ears of her keychain stabbing the palm of her hand; hear Betelgeuse muttering "_ow!_"

"Beetle juice," the girl glared at Lydia.

"What do you think you're accomplishing?" Lydia asked. "You're just making a fool of yourself."

"Beetle juice," she continued.

"So now _you're_ the witch? I thought that was against your religion. Are you sure you want to do this in front of everyone?" Lydia knew her classmates were a bit creeped out by her, but she didn't know they _hated_ her. This girl might be worse than Clare, the queen bee of her previous school. At least Clare—for the most part—left little, gross Lydia alone.

"Beetle juice!"

"_NO!_" Lydia opened her hand. Her cat was just a normal keychain again.

"Guess the cat's outa the bag now, babes." Betelgeuse appeared beside her and flicked her keychain. Lydia jerked away.

Chloe stood up. "You _did_ summon a demon!"

"He's not a demon!" Lydia yelled. "He's just… _dead_…"

Chloe turned to the table of churchians. "He's the evil entity that's been influencing my niece! Father, you have to do something!"

"Wait what!" Betelgeuse snatched Lydia's shoulders and forced her to look at him. "There's a _priest_ here! Why didn't you say anything!

"I thought you knew!"

"_Fuck!_"

Chloe grabbed Lydia's arm and yanked her away from Betelgeuse, mumbling a prayer. "Aunt Chloe, _stop_! You don't know what you're doing!"

"Yes she does!" The girl from her class took her friend's hand and the hand of the man beside her. "We're exorcising the evil you brought here from our town!"

Lydia watched in horror as everyone followed her lead, holding hands.

"_Stop!_ He's not evil! He's my _friend_! Aunt Chloe! _Please!_"

"Don't worry, Lydia. We'll cleanse you as soon you're free of his influence."

"_Betelgeuse!_" Chloe slapped her other hand over Lydia's mouth.

"That's it! No more Mister Nice Ghost!" As Betelgeuse rolled up his leave to blast her aunt, the priest skidded in front of Chloe and Lydia. "_Da fuck!_"

"You're demonic powers are useless here!" the priest shouted. "Now be gone!"

"I don't think so, daddy-o." Betelgeuse flung his arm, but zilch happened. He growled, "Okay then. _Try this!_" He snapped his fingers, but nothing came of it but more praying Christians. "Fuck it! I'll handle you the old fashioned way!"

"_MMM!_" Lydia moaned in protest, pulling against her aunt who held her back.

Betelgeuse took a swing at the priest and was blasted away. His back slammed against the ground, stupefying him. Lydia elbowed her aunt in the stomach—who cried out—and broke free, running to her friend. "Betelgeuse!"

"Lydia, get away from him! You'll be corrupt!"

"I'm not corrupt! I'm just strange!" she shouted, shielding Betelgeuse with her body. "And he hasn't done anything wrong! You can't do this! Chloe, Father, _please_!"

"You don't belong here!" The priest yelled at Betelgeuse, mistaking Lydia's pleas as some form of possession or mind control.

Lydia could see Betelgeuse stand in her peripheral vision. Something was off. She turned around. "Betelgeuse, you're fading!"

He glanced down at himself and barked, "_Shit._ No fucking kidding!"

Lydia looked around. They were _excising_ him! "_No!_" Lydia snatched onto his blazer, quickly spitting out his name before they could complete the exorcist, vanishing.

But they didn't transport to the Netherworld.

They were trapped.

In Dead End.


	5. Circus Oy-Vey!

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Mina Little

Part V

Lydia poked the toy car on Adam's model of the town and watched it skid forward on the makeshift road. It had been two weeks since the Maitlands disappeared. It wasn't the first time they left for a routine visit to their case-counselor, but this time was different: they didn't tell Lydia. One morning, they were gone.

Lydia glanced up. The chalk door that they used to cross over had been whipped away… Why weren't they back yet? Why didn't they tell her they were leaving like usual? Did they not like Lydia anymore? Were they finally sick of her, fed-up with sharing their home? Did they even have a choice in leaving? Lydia wished they would have said something before disappearing.

(0_0)

"_What the fuck!_"

Lydia couldn't believe it. _It worked!_ He was _here_!

"I was just about to cream those bastards! Where the fuck—?" Betelgeuse turned around, cig clenched between his teeth. "_You!_"

"Hi," Lydia mumbled, smothering a cough.

"What the hell do _you_ want! To finish our vows? Sorry, toots, but I've moved on! Now send me back; I was in the middle of a game and I ain't about to lose!"

"Back? You mean to the other side?"

"Yeah, the Netherworld. Now hurry up! I want to get back before my beer gets warm!"

"Um…" Lydia thought. "Not unless you take me with you."

He pinched his brows together, moving the cig in his mouth. "Didn't we go through this before, toots? You know, before your girlfriend sent a fucking sandworm on me!"

"Barbara's my mom, not girlfriend."

"I thought the red-head was your mom?"

"She is."

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes. "Listen toots, I ain't got time for this shit. Send me back!"

"Not unless you take me." Lydia didn't call this monster here just so she could send him back. She needed to find Barbara and Adam!

"Why would I do anything for a brat like you?"

"Barbara and Adam are missing, and I need to find them." What if something bad happened to them? "You're the last person I can think of who can help."

"So they're missing, huh?" He smirked, "Heh, maybe they just ditched this dump because they're sick of you."

Lydia looked down at her lap and fisted her skirt in her hands. Maybe he was right. Maybe the Maitlands left because they didn't love her anymore. Maybe they didn't want a freak as a substitute daughter?

"Hey," Betelgeuse snapped his fingers. "_Hey!_" Lydia glanced up at him. "Maybe there's _somethin'_ I can do, but it's gonna cost ya."

"What do you want?"

"Got money?" She shook her head. "_Damn_." Betelgeuse removed the cig from his mouth and looked around the room.

"So?"

"I'm thinking!"

Lydia waited, watching him examine her belongings. When he started digging through her drawers, she spoke up. "Can you draw a door?"

"Eh, come again?" He picked up one of her shorter skirts and chuckled.

"A door. Adam drew a door with chalk and knocked on it. Can you do that?" It didn't work when Lydia tried it.

"I'm too advanced for that noob shit." He threw the skirt on Lydia's bed. "You should wear this."

Lydia pushed the skirt aside. "If it's noob stuff, it should be easy for you."

"Yeah, well, it ain't happening." He resumed to rummaging through her things.

"You _can't_, can you? _That's_ why you have to rely on people calling you!"

"_Heh_," he took out one of her bras. "Studs. Who'da thought… 34 B. Could be bigger."

"Can you stop," Lydia blushed, trying not to breathe the cigarette smoke. "I want to cross over."

"_Heh-heh_," he chuckled, pulling out her purple panties. "Bats for your cat, huh?" He put it in his picket.

Lydia grimaced. "So is that your price? My underwear?"

"What? Eh, no. I'm still thinkin'… _So_," he took out a bra that had skeleton handprints on the cups. "You wear these for someone or are ya a solo artist?"

Leaning off her bed, Lydia snatched her bra from him. "I want to find Barbara!" She was sick of this pervert's grimy fingers touching her undergarments! And she _hated_ that he took her favorite panties, but she wasn't sure she wanted them back now, and Lydia was too afraid to ask for them.

"You said you like doors, right toots? Why not be mine?"

Lydia pushed her skirt between her legs. "What do you mean?

"You know, babes: be my portal." Betelgeuse could see that she still didn't quite get it. "It's simple, babes! You say a little incantation that will bind us together, then, whenever you want to travel to the Netherworld, or need a booty call," he winked, "you call me."

"Can't I already do that?"

"Not unless I'm nearby, toots."

She figured that much when chanting his name didn't work. "I meant with the Ouija board."

"Those weeny boards are unreliable pieces of shit. All they do is open a portal near someone. Anyone can tag along or take my place. Heck, if I had seen it, I'da moved the fuck away!"

"So you're saying I have to be your door to go to the Netherworld?"

"Uh, _yeah!_"

"So…" Lydia looked at her Ouija board. "What's the incantation?"

He smiled and sat down next to her, shoving the board off her bed. "Repeat after me!"

_Though I know I should be weary, _

_ Still I venture someplace scary,_

_ Ghostly Hauntings I turn loose… _

"Now Say my name, babe!"

"Betelgeuse?"

"That's it, babes!"

"Betelgeuse."

He grabbed her wrist. "One more time!"

"Betelgeuse."

"_It's Showtime_!" he shouted as they crossed over.

(0_0)

Lydia stepped away from Betelgeuse and looked around. The place was a mess! And in desperate need of vacuuming... "Barbara said the place was cluttered, but this is _disgusting_!"

"This is my house."

Lydia blushed. "Oh… I-I thought we were going to Barbara's case-worker?"

Betelgeuse took hold of Lydia's shoulders and spun her around. "There's the door, babes." He shoved her forward. "Have fun."

"But I don't know where to go."

"Not my problem."

She turned back around. "What if I get lost?"

He shrugged.

"How will I get home?"

"_Ugh!_" Betelgeuse pushed his hair back. "You're not gonna stop, are you?" She only looked at him. "Alright, _alright_, I'll accompany ya!" He herded her out of the door.

"_Deadly Voo!_"

"Deadly who-now?"

"So this is the Netherworld! _Cool!_" The sky was orange and pink with eternal twilight, the trees twisted with curling branches, and the streets zigzagged and swirled into the air with no support beams. In the distance, eccentric vehicles of every design and color whizzed by. Conformity didn't seem to be the norm here. Everything was strange and unique! "Why would anyone ever want to leave this place?"

"Eh, you get used to it."

She looked back at him. "So where do we start?"

"Hell if I know."

"What about their case-worker, Juno?" That's where Lydia thought they were going.

"_Juno's_ their case-worker!"

"Um, yeah, I think that's her name?" Did he know her?

"Old, short gray hair, smoker, slit throat?" Betelgeuse yanked his head back, snapping his neck, creating a slit. Cigarette smoke started oozing from the wound.

Lydia covered her nose and mouth with her elbow. "Yeah," she coughed, "that sounds like her." Lydia had briefly met Juno once.

"_Fuck_." He returned to normal, the smoke evaporating, and tossed his cig on the ground, crushing it with his boot.

"What?"

"That bitch was my mentor, you know, until she wrote up a bad report on me got me fired."

"You worked for Juno?"

"_Yeah_. What of it?"

"She'd know what to do about the Maitlands, right?"

He shrugged.

"We should go there anyway." Maybe Juno knew where they were, and if not, she should know that her clients were M.I.A., shouldn't she?

"No can do, babes."

"Why?"

"When I was fired, I was kinda," he shrugged, "banned from the property."

"_What did you do!_" It had to be pretty big to get fired _and_ banned.

"Who said it was anything _I_ did!"

"_You_ were the one banned."

"So?"

Lydia sighed. "Well, what about the police? You have police here, don't you?"

"Eh, that won't work either, toots."

"Why not?"

"They kinda hate me," he smirked.

"_Why?_" She asked, although she had a pretty good idea already.

"A few too many run-ins. Dudes can't handle a good joke!"

"Is there _anyone_ here that doesn't hate you!" Lydia needed to find the Maitlands, but she couldn't do that without a guide. And her guide was a criminal—an _outlaw_! What if _he_ was the reason they were missing!

"Beetaljews!" Lydia turned around and gasped at the site of a skeleton walking in their direction. How could he move without any muscles? It was amazing! "Vat are yew doing 'ere! I zaught yew ver out?"

"Yeah, well, plans changed," he shrugged.

The skeleton glanced at Lydia. "Ah, ze escort?"

Betelgeuse chuckled.

"I'm not a prostitute!"

"Oh, I veg yer pardon!" The skeleton held out his boney hand. "I am Shokquez, vut yew may call me Shock. Who are yew?"

Timidly, Lydia shook his hand. It was cold. "Lydia."

"Lydia…" He paused. "Deetz?"

"How did you know!"

Jac broke their handshake and turned to Betelgeuse. "She iz living! Yew know ze rules!"

Betelgeuse shrugged again.

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Eh! Yew are ze reason we hav' ze knew case buke!"

"Me?"

He nodded. "Juno vent to court to plead ze Maitland-Deetz case vecause ze Maitlands zid not vant to haunt ze family due to za girl, 'Idia."

"They went to court—for me?"

"Shust 'heir case-verker. Zhe is vamous now."

Lydia gasped. "_You_ could talk to her!"

"_Ehm_, vwat?"

"I came here looking for Barbara and Adam, but Betelgeu—" Betelgeuse nudged her with his elbow, clearing his throat.

"Careful with the B-name, toots."

"Well, _he_ can't take me to see Juno or the police. Maybe you can?

"I am not 'er client. She vont see me."

"Oh…" Lydia looked down. She was never going to find them.

"Mayve zere is something I can do…"

Lydia perked up. "Really!"

"Yes, vut yew voth must 'ide."

"No problem!" Betelgeuse snapped his fingers, disguising Lydia and himself.

Lydia touched her hair. The tips were singed. She looked down; the edges of her skirt and blouse were also seared and covered in soot. "My clothes are burnt!"

She heard chuckling. "Well yeah, babes. You're a victim of a fire."

Lydia touched her face—it was smooth, but dirty with debris—and sighed in relief.

"Don't worry, babes, I'm not gonna mess up your pretty face. You're gonna need it. Everyone pities a pretty dead girl! _Heh_, just say you choked on smoke or fumes or somethin'."

"Where are you?" Lydia could hear Betelgeuse, but he had disappeared when Jac told them to hide.

He whistled. "Down here, toots!" She looked at her boots on the gravel. "Your neck, babes!" She touched the cameo on her choker. "_Bingo!_"

"You're my necklace?"

"Hey, banned from property, toots! I can't be seen there or I get booted out. That what ya want!"

She shook her head. "No."

"Good! Now shut up and let's go already! I'm starting to cramp!"

(0_0)

"Ah, 'ello." Jac walked to the front of the desk. "I'd like to sveak wif my case-verker?"

A green-skinned woman with mermaid-red hair wearing a flame-collared cape rolled her yes. "Get a number."

"Ah, vell, eet is an emergenzee. See, my, uh, girlfvriend, she, vell, shee, vwe—"

"_Fine_," the green girl moaned. "The door is there. You know where to find him."

"Zank yew," Jac nodded.

Lydia looked at the receptionist; she was sporting a ribbon that read "Miss Argentina." Was she in some kind of beauty contest when she died?

"'Idia?" Jac called.

"Oh, right, sorry." Lydia sprinted over to him and followed Jac down the hall. Ghosts were pushing papers that were piled in heaps around their desks while skeletons worked, quite literally, to the bone. Barbara wasn't kidding about the place being messy and cluttered. How could anyone work in this environment? It was so chaotic and disorganized. Lydia would go crazy trying to work here.

"Vell," Jac stopped. "Zis is my counselor's office."

"You're fucking kidding," Betelgeuse's sounded from Lydia's neck. "This used to be Juno's office."

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked.

"I wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't!"

"Vell, vwe'll 'ave to keep looking zen."

(0_0)

"How did we get here?" The place was like a labyrinth of spiraling hallways and crooked doors. How could anyone find their way?

"I zu not know. Last I vemember is opening za door, not valking though et."

The place was pitch-black and the door they unknowingly walked through was gone or made invisible. All Lydia could see was herself and Jac.

"Oh no," Betelgeuse muttered.

"What is it?"

Betelgeuse transformed back to himself, appearing next to Lydia, simultaneously returning her to her normal (well, normal for her) self. "I think we're a"—a spotlight flashed on them—"captive audience."

There was laughing coming from every direction, cackles echoing off unseen walls. Lydia glanced up; white and red stripes canopied overhead. Someone summersaulted in the air, scarcely missing Lydia's head, landing in the shadows. A bike horn sounded in the distance. The laughing became increasingly louder as music began to play. Then nothing. Silence. The light went out.

"What just—?"

The spotlight came back on, illuminating, in addition to Lydia and her guides, a group of bizarre circus performers. There were two identical twin girls in matching leotards with short black bobs. The only defining traits between them were their wounds: one had scars up her wrists, the other across her throat. Accompanying the girls were two manic looking clowns whose faces were contorted with makeup, a dwarf, and a one eyed giant who resembled a pirate on steroids.

The shorter of the clowns stepped forward. He was painted in blackface with a large snout and teeth worse than the stereotypical Londoner. On his oiled head rested an overly teased wig that looked like melting cotton candy. "So, _Betelgeuse_"—his voice was high pitched and coarse—"you've _finally_ decided to visit! Been a _while_, hasn't it guys?"

Everyone nodded; one of the twins giggled.

"So, how's after-life in the Big Time? Makin' lots of money? Got your own show?"

"Heh, well," Betelgeuse stuttered. "You know how it is. Fickle business."

"Oh, _that's right_! The only show you've been on is Notorious Netherworld! Not like your famous boss, _Juno_. Oh, wait, she _fired_ you!" The blackface clown began cackling.

Betelgeuse growled.

"So, do tell Bejay! What's stopping me from calling the police and collecting my reward for the ransom?"

"_Hey_, I was on the show for being dangerous, not as a wanted criminal!"

"From what I hear, there are a lot of people who'd pay big money for your head!" He slapped Betelgeuse's arm. "And we all know what happens when you lose your head!"

"You fuckers should be thanking me! Your crummy show was nothing until I came along and took charge!"

"A then you abounded us for that Juno woman and her fancy '_scaring job_,'" he squawked. "What was it he said again?" The question was to the clown's group. "Oh, that's right! That's right! 'See you losers! I'm off to the good life!' _blah blah blah_ and all that shit!"

"Eh, I said those things as, uh, a term of endearment."

"Shove it! Thanks to you, we've lost one of our best performers!"

"Awe, I'm touched," Jokingly, Betelgeuse covered his breast with both hands and batted his eyes.

"Not you! My sister! Said the place held too many memories of you and bailed! She couldn't handle the betrayal!"

"Oh _boohoo_! I'm about to cry!" He whipped an invisible tear with his fist. "Not my problem."

"Actually, it _is_ your problem!" Betelgeuse rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember what you said as you left?"

"Uh, that you were losers, right?"

"_NO!_" The clown stomped his outsized shoe. The sole was coming loose and the purple was scuffed. "You promised to find a replacement!"

"First off Bozo—"

"It's _Scuzzo_!"

"Whatever. I don't make, let alone _keep_, promises. Second, I was talking about finding a replacement for _me_, not the bitch that ditched! She was a fucking loon!"

"Fine then, _your_ replacement!"

"Hehe," Betelgeuse chuckled. "Tough luck. I'm irreplaceable!"

"_Oh_, I wouldn't say that Mister B. Looks like you got two replacements right there!" Scuzzo pointed at Lydia and Jacques.

"Wait, what!" Did Lydia hear them right?

The lights went out. This time Lydia couldn't see anything, not even her own hands!

"Ey! Get your 'and off me!" Lydia heard Jacques shout somewhere nearby followed by the sound of bones scraping concrete.  
>"Ja—<em>ow!<em>" Two large hands grabbed round Lydia's tiny waist and lifted her into the air. "Hey! Let me go!" The lug flung Lydia over his shoulder like sack of worthless toys. She kicked and punched him, but he didn't care.

The lights came back on. Jacques was wrapped in a net, the twins on either side of him. One was latched to his arm while the other stroked his chin through the netting. Lydia looked over at Betelgeuse who was preparing to throw a pitch.

"Whoa, I don't think so!" Betelgeuse tossed the invisible ball of magic. A puff of green powder and glitter manifested and fell to the ground like snow. "What the fuck?"

"You're not part of the act anymore, _remember_! Now you're just part of the audience, which means no powers inside the tent! _You're_ rule."

"Well fuck… Eh, doesn't matter anyway." Betelgeuse popped his collar and sniffed. "You can keep 'em."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't care. The girl's draggin' me down and the numbskull won't stop nagging 'bout my yard."

"Well," Scuzzo's smile vanished with confusion, "okay?"

Betelgeuse started heading off into the shadows, but paused just before walking out of the spotlight, briefly turning around. "Oh, one more thing. The girl's _alive_!" Betelgeuse guffawed, disappearing into the darkness. Lydia shouted after him, but he wasn't coming back.

Betelgeuse had abandoned them.

And it was all Lydia's fault. This was the price of putting her trust in a mad maniac!

_Stupid. _

Now she would _never_ find the Maitlands!

(0_0)

"You can't leave me locked in here!" The cage was for a bear or lion, not a person! It was inhumane! "I'm not some prisoner!" It was silent. The performers had gone, leaving Lydia and Jacques locked in three separate cages. _Three_. Jacques's skull was in a glass box with small breathing holes (not that he needed the oxygen—he had no lungs!), while his body dangled in a hanging cage. It was horrible to see. How vandalizing and vulnerable he must feel, decapitated and confined in a medieval apparatus! At least Jacques didn't have skin for rapacious birds to pick at.

Despite his appalling condition, Lydia envied Jacques. At least he was dead. He had an eternity to escape. Lydia, though, she was alive. She didn't want to waste her youth like a dog at the kennel, subject to the maltreatment of sadistic carnies for the sake of entertainment. Lydia didn't want to die in a cage, or worse, in a circus act of public humiliation. She was a photographer, a poet, not a performing puppet for psychotic phantoms!

"Ah, Lydia," Jacques called, "zo not cry! After zer first show, you 'ill ve made free. It iz against ze law to capture ze living. Vwen people learn yew are alive, der vill be outrage!"

Lydia dried her cheek with her sleeve. "What about you?"

"Eh, zo not vorry about me. I've 'ived my life. Yew, yew are young! Yew shouldn't ve stuck 'ere."

"Neither should you."

"I've nothing at 'ome fer me, haha!" He laughed, but Lydia couldn't find anything humorous about this dismal situation. "My 'ouse iz my own pris-on! Et vwill steill ve there vwen I get vack."

Lydia grabbed the steel bar, wishing it was Jacques's hand and not the cage enclosing her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you along."

"No, no! Zo not ve sorry! Yew ver merely looking fer 'elp. Et is not yer fault."

"But it _is_ my fault! If I hadn't—!"

"I chose to 'elp you, 'Idia. Yew deid not vmake me. Vesides, I vwastn't about to leave a pretty girl zlike yew alone wif Beetaljews! Especially not one zat's alive! I could nevar 'ive, er, after-'ive wif myself if something 'appened to yew."

Betelgeuse must have been more awful than Lydia realized if Jacques only accompanied them to protect an all-but stranger. Calling him was a mistake. Lydia knew the risk, the gamble, she was making if her plan failed. Not that she had much of a plan. Calling him was more of a whim, a last resort, an act of desperation. It wasn't like her parents were any help. No matter how many times she pleaded with them, they brushed the Maitland's disappearance aside, telling Lydia not worry, but she knew better. Something was wrong. She just hoped whatever that was… wasn't her.

(0_0)

"I still don't think we should keep the girl."

Lydia started from her doze.

"You heard Scuzzo: it's about the money. Death defying tricks aren't exactly suspenseful or amazing if we're all dead. She adds an element of danger, surprise, _whimsy_!"

Lydia crawled closer to the bars, peering out into the dimly lit tent. It was the twins.

"Money won't mean jack if we're fined and jailed! We'll be out of the showbiz for good!"

"We'll just blame it on Bejay!" The twin with scars on her arms waved her hand dismissively. "He's the one that brought her here."

"But Scuzzo agreed to take her."

"Then we say we didn't know. Simple as that!"

"But, if the reason she's an attraction is for being alive, then wouldn't we have to know?"

"We could always kill her?" Lydia flinched. This wasn't how she wanted to die: at the hands of circus suicides!

"I guess that's true, but then where's the death-deifying whimsy? No profits. We'll be where we're at now."

"No we won't. Alive or dead, we still have two more performers. And one's a real _cutie_!"

The girls giggled. "He does have good bone structure. And did you see that _pelvis_?" Lydia glanced at the glass box. She never knew cheeks could blush without blood before.

"_Mm-mm_, yes! Watching him juggle his parts is going to be _way_ more entertaining than Lezzley juggling a couple of balls!"

The slit-throat sister snickered. "No kidding!"

Looking like yellow canaries, the twins skipped over to the hanging man and began petting Jacques's quivering bones, little black bobs bouncing. Maybe Lydia was wrong. Maybe there was enough body left to be picked at by birds.

"_Pst! Psssssst!_ Yo, toots!" Lydia jolted. "Yes, you! Get over here," a hoarse voice whispered.

Lydia crawled to the other end of the cage, away from the fawning twins in there ugly mustard jumpsuits. They were too busy fondling boners-of-a-different-sort to pay any mind to Lydia. "Betelgeuse?"

"No, Santa Clause. _Yes, it's me!_"

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't think I'm that heartless, do you!" He snorted, "Okay, maybe I am."

"Why'd you come back?"

"Well… ya see, babes, well, it seems that, um…"

"_What_," she snarled. Lydia had enough of this swindle!

"You know that little incantation?"

"Yeah?" She'd wished he'd spill it out already. Her tolerance was gone.

"Well, _heh-heh_, funny thing, see…" He rubbed the back of his neck, not looking at her. "Seems my powers weren't exactly retuned to me."

"What do you mean?"

"_Ugh_, that you're like, uh, more than a door. You're a key."

"Okay?"

He groaned. "You're a dense one, aren't ya? My powers are linked to you!" He grabbed the bars blocking Lydia's face. "Don't ya get it? My powers are fucking _linked_ to _you_! They won't fucking work as long as you're in this tent!"

"So… you need me in order to use your powers?"

"_Er_," he blushed. "I don't need '_you_.' I just need you someplace that's not disabling magic."

"But you do need me to access your power?"

"Can you not say it like that," he grumbled, glaring at her through the bars.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm reliant on you! I don't need a little Goth chick—or anyone! I'm the 'Ghost with the Most!' Not some helpless fucking cheese!"

"'Cheese'?" Was this another one of his stupid metaphors?

He rolled his eyes. "A new spirit."

"They're called 'cheese'?"

"Of course not! 'Chi' is energy! New spirts lack— " Betelgeuse chomped down in frustration. "Stop asking me stupid questions!"

Lydia crossed her arms. "Maybe if you didn't use such stupid metaphors, I wouldn't ask stupid questions!"

"I knew saving you was a waste of time! I'm better off without being attached to some gloomy little girl!"

"Hey!" Lydia uncrossed her arms and grabbed the bars above Betelgeuse's hands. "I only became your stupid door because _you_ promised to help me find the Maitlands if I did! So you had better get me out of this mess, or you'll never use your powers again!"

Lydia saw his face go red as he ground his teeth. "Fine. But I ain't doing it for you. I'm doing it for my juice, and to get that Barbara bitch back!"

"You can worry about revenge later! Now help me and Jac!"

"_Whoa_, I never agreed to help that bone-head!"

"If you don't help him, then I guess I'll stay here. No powers for you."

"Fuck. You're annoying. Fine."

"_Hurry up!_" If Lydia wasn't stuck in this cage, that idiot would have been slapped so hard across the face his ugly head would have popped off!

After scowling at Lydia a few seconds longer, he released the bars and made his way around the cage, out of view, looking for the keys to free her and his neighbor.

"_Oh!_" One of the canary sisters squawked. "Look, sis! We have a visitor!"

Lydia could hear Betelgeuse curse something vile.

The other canary giggled, poking Jacques's leg which swung in place like a broken twig barely clinging to its host. "Guess he wanted a sneak peak of the show!"

"Is that is, sweetie? Did you miss us? Want back in on the action?"

He snorted. "As if!"

"Oh, too bad…" she said, shaking her head, tisking. "Well, you heard him sis!"

Still poking Jacques's leg, the twin screeched "CODE RUM-RED! CODE RUM-RED! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"

"It's 'Red-Rum,' you idiot!" the sister squawked back.

"W-What's 'Code Red-Rum'?" Lydia hoped it wasn't code for "spill the live one's blood"! If she was going to be murdered, it'd be at her own hands, not the stunts of crazed circus freaks!

_Clank! _

Something fell near Betelgeuse!

"Are you okay!" Lydia didn't care about Betelgeuse's well-being (he could re-die for all she cared), but if something happened to him, she was a dead woman!

"_Fuck!_" That wasn't a good sign.

"_Betelgeuse?_"

"Will you SHUT-UP!" He rounded her cage, the demented dwarf and a miniature clown car supporting a bulky cannon on its roof were close behind him.

"LOOKOUT!"

"_Oomph!_" Betelgeuse collided into the giant's massive stomach, too busy yelling at Lydia to watch where he was going, and was seized by the giant's bulbous arms. Torn skin barley stretched around the swelling mussels, showing almost more tendon than flesh. "LET ME GO, YA BIG LUG!"

The rest of the circus crew circled around Betelgeuse. The miniature car's door burst open and the two clowns popped out like large beach balls being shot out of a sippy straw. Lydia couldn't fathom how they managed to squish themselves into that tiny vehicle! The black-faced clown stepped into the middle of the circle near Betelgeuse.

"So, thought you'd sneak in, huh? You must miss showbiz more than you let on!"

Betelgeuse laughed. "You call this pathetic ring of dried-up talentless blowhards 'showbiz'? What a joke!"

"That's the idea, Beetle-breath! The circus is a place for laughter and fun! Jokes are part of the show!"

"Well I got news for ya, Scuzzo: the crowds laughing _'at' _you, not _'with'_ you!"

"_You'd know_," Scuzzo chortled. "People laugh at you all the time!"

"Listen here, dirt-bag, let me go, or I'll—"

"You'll what? Flutter your eyelashes at me!" He gripped his stomach in laughter. "You're defenseless, Betelgeuse!"

Betelgeuse growled.

"Say, why _DID_ you come back, Beetle-butt?"

"To get a good laugh at your sorry ass excuse of a show!"

Scuzzo snapped his fingers. "_Hey_, I bet I know! You came back for your little concubine!" Betelgeuse said nothing. "_Ha! _I knew it! Tell ya what, Beetle-snot, I'll give you a 'private' showing for, _sayyyy_, three-hundred dollars? Ya can't get warm bodies like this at your local brothel!"

Looking up, Betelgeuse pursed his lips in thought.

Lydia shouted "You're not actually considering it, are you!"

"_Whaaat!_" Betelgeuse yelled back. "You can't blame me!"

"_You're sick!_"

"So?"

Scuzzo pushed Betelgeuse's knee to get his attention. "So, what'll it be? The private showing—or jail?"

"_Eeeeh_… NEITHER!" Betelgeuse swung his leg forward, smashing his boot into Scuzzo's painted large nose, sending Scuzzo crashing to the concrete floor, back first. While everyone was in shock, Betelgeuse kicked the same leg back, nailing the giant in the nuts. Wailing, the giant released Betelgeuse and hurtled to ground in pain, hands shoved between his meaty thighs.

Now free, Betelgeuse ran to Scuzzo's unconscious corpse and snatched the keys from his chalky hands. "Yo, babes!" He tossed the keys to Lydia who barely caught them and darted off.

The gang stood around stupefied, not sure what to do. Should they help their leader? Chase Betelgeuse? Stop Lydia from escaping?

"HEY! CIRCUS FREEKS!" They all turned to Betelgeuse. Waking from his coma, Scuzzo grabbed his head and looked over. "WANT A SMOKE!"

"What are you fools doing!" Scuzzo screamed, "Those are the fireworks! Get him before he blows the place up!"

"_Hehe_," Betelgeuse smirked, tossing the lit cigarette into the box of explosives. "Hope ya have BLAST! I'm outa here!" With a sarcastic salute, he ran over to Lydia. "Give me the keys, babes, and I'll let ya out." She did. "Come on, toots! This place is about to blow!" He snorted. "Not that it didn't blow already."

"I can't leave yet!" She said, hopping out of the unlocked cage.

"What? Why not!"

"We can't just leave Jac! He needs our help!"

Betelgeuse looked honestly confused. "Why?"

"He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me—_us!_ If we can't save him, then I'm staying here"— a firework went off like rocket, sending sparks their way—"and you're powers will be gone for good!"

"Ugh, fine! I'll help the bone-bag! But we gotta go, now!"

"Fine."

Lydia ran over, grabbing the glass box containing Jacques's head while Betelgeuse unlocked the hanging cage. Jacques's bones toppled to the cement in a big ivory heap. "Ah, fuck."

"Don't just stand there! Pick up the pieces!"

"Yeah, yeah! I know!" Betelgeuse shrugged off his jacket. "Hop on, Leblanc! I ain't got time for this shit!" The skeleton parts clambered onto the jacket that Betelgeuse then used as a sack to carry them in. "Well what are ya waiting for, toots! _MOVE!_"

Nodding, Lydia hurried to the tent's parting, Betelgeuse right behind her. The night air felt like a splash of cold water on Lydia's face.

_KA-BANG! _

A gust of hot wind crashed into Lydia's back, propelling her forward, the glass box flying out of her hands and crashing to the ground, shattering the box and Jacques's skull as Betelgeuse's body collided with Lydia, knocking her into the grass beside the shards of sharp glass and bone.

Lydia shrieked. "You're crushing me!"

"Heh, sorry, babes." He pushed himself off her.

"_Ow!_" Lydia rolled over. "That hurt!"

"Not as much as that woulda hurt." Betelgeuse pointed at the circus tent, now up in flames, fireworks still spurting from the collapsed canopy into blooms of lethal sparkling flowers, filling the darkening amber sky with flecks of makeshift starts.

"Oh my god…"

"Now," Betelgeuse stood back up, dusting off his trousers, "whadaya say we put oh Bonezie back together!" With a snap of his fingers, the skull shards and bones flew back together without even a scratch, and Betelgeuse's jacket materialized back onto his body.

"Ah, I hem 'ole again!"

"Yeah, you're welcome," Betelgeuse snorted.

"Vwhat! I zid not zank yew! It is ze girl who 'as my zanks!" Jacques's turned from his neighbor and held a hand out for Lydia. As she took it, Jacques hoisted her up. He was extremely strong for someone with no body mass.

"If it's not too much to ask…" Both tired and rattled from the explosion, Lydia released Jacques's hand and grabbed her arm in a semi-embrace. "Can I go home now?"

(0_0)


	6. Scared Sheetless

Miss Alice Mina | _BeetleJuice_ Fan Fiction |_Sleepy Seaside_

Sleepy Seaside

by Mina Little

Part VI

Part 6 – "Scared Sheetless"

Lydia was floating, but she didn't feel weightless. She had never felt so heavy. The air was thick and constricting. Every breath she took felt like liquid filling and solidifying in her lungs. Each inhale was strained and painful. Lydia was drowning in nothing.

Around her, specters drifted by, decomposing, white, transparent. The atmosphere was slowly shredding the spirits apart, leaving the ghosts as nothing more but weighed-down frayed sheets, moaning in pain. If Lydia couldn't escape, she would die here, and Dead End was no place to die. Not unless you wanted to be dead beyond death… The ghosts exiled to Dead End were destined to wither away into nothingness; their bodiless energy, once their spirits were demolished, merely added to the ever-thickening and unbreathable air. This is where the "nonrehabilitatable" went to be "de-existed."

Lydia glanced beside her. Betelgeuse was slowly sinking away from her, his bleached skin flaking off his face as if it was thin tissue. His eyes, that were normally a vibrant yellow, looked like melting butter. Was he even conscious of Lydia or their situation? Could he see her?

Something gleaming in the distance, above Betelgeuse's ragged carcass, caught Lydia's eye. It was a light… shining through a window… of a door!

With difficulty, Lydia lifted her arms, and pushed herself off a nearby spirit, changing her trajectory in the direction of the door. As she drifted forward, she reached down and grasped the lapel of Betelgeuse's blazer with one hand, and with her other hand, Lydia pushed and pulled through the murk as if swimming, struggling to stay afloat amongst the grasping hands of crumbling ghosts tearing at her dress in failed attempts to hitch a ride with her. Every inch she neared the door, the unseen chains yanking her down got heavier and heavier.

Lydia stretched for the door, barely gripping the handle, and pulled herself and Betelgeuse closer until she was abreast with the wooden plank—their exit. Briefly, she released Betelgeuse and undid the thin black belt on her tattered dress, still holding the door handle with one hand, and rapped the belt around Betelgeuse's wrist and her ankle to keep him from drifting away.

With her other hand now free, she began banging on the door, desperate for someone to hear the knocking and come to their rescue. Just as Lydia's arm was beginning to give out, strained from the stress of the invisible weights constricting her muscles, she saw a figure of someone walking by. At the sight, a jolt of energy surged through her, and Lydia hit the door harder and more vigorously. The door opened, sending her and Betelgeuse toppling forward to the chilled tiled floor.

Lydia inhaled a sweet refreshing gulp of musty office air. Who could have thought gravity could feel so light!

"Lydia! I thought that was you!"

Lydia looked up. "Prince Vince!" Oh thank the gods! "What are you doing here!"

"What am _I_ doing here?" He shook his head and repressed a giggle. He used to be timid and shy, but over the few years Lydia knew him, the Prince of the Netherworld had grown quite the spectral specter of a spine. Even with all his newfound confidence, Vince could still be overly sensitive. But he was sweet. And _cute_. Like Lydia, his hair was dark and his skin was pale, and they shared a love for Gothic styles and the melodramatic. They would have made an attractive couple—and had been, briefly—but Lydia couldn't bring herself to see him as anything more than a friend. She tried. "Sweet Lydia, how-ever did _you_ end up _there_! Dead End is no place for the Living. Actually," he waved at a dark-haired girl nearby who was holding a notebook and she nodded, jotting something down, "the living shouldn't even be able to get into Dead End. You aren't… dead, are you Lydia?"

Lydia shook her head, "No, but Betelgeuse…" Lydia pushed herself up—her arms were tired, but it was a relief to move them so freely again—shoving a deader-than-dead Betelgeuse off her legs and began untying the belt binding them together. "He…"

"What did Betelgeuse do?"

"Well, he didn't _do_ anything, exactly…"

"Oh?"

"Betelgeuse was… exorcised…" Vince's eyes widened with shock and intrigue. "I tried to save him! But it was too late. I got dragged along instead."

"But… you're _alive_. You shouldn't have been sent there… Are you getting this, Germaine?" Scribbling away, the girl with the notebook nodded.

"I think it was because I chanted his name."

"Perhaps… But I'll still have it recorded. We can't be too careful. You're lucky you materialized near the door, and that I was here to see you. You would have died!"

"Will Beej be okay?" Lydia looked down at his miserable husk. Betelgeuse was barely conscious.

"He should be. He just needs time to recover."

"_Ah!_" Lydia started. Betelgeuse had latched onto her leg! She didn't think he could move yet!

"Come on." Vince knelt down, helping Betelgeuse up after prying his rigid hands off Lydia. Betelgeuse hung limp as Vince shifted the striped deadweight to his back. "We should find you some knew clothes."

Lydia looked down and blushed. "_Oh_…" Her dress was a disaster, and a _bit_ more revealing than before. "So, um, what are you doing here?" She glanced at the notebook girl. She had light purple, almost periwinkle, skin and was wearing pigtail braids and large round glasses. Her dress was long and black, hanging loosely on her body under an oversized dark gray cardigan—very Strega. Around her neck was a crescent moon necklace. "Don't you have more, uh, _princely_ duties to attend to?"

Vince sighed and began dragging Betelgeuse down the hallway. "The wellbeing of the Netherworld and my people _are_ my duty."

"What's going on?" Lydia asked while following him. The Netherworld headquarters was muddled with spectral workers running rapid, ransacking their coffin cubicles. When they spoke, it was brisk: as soon as a memo was received, the messenger would dart away to complete another task. The headquarters was never the most organized or clean of workplaces, but Lydia couldn't recall it ever being quite this bustling. Usually the employees seemed irritated and fatigued. _Bored_. This was different. They were anxious.

"The Netherworld has been in haywire, sweet Lydia. There are floods, droughts, blizzards, earthquakes—all with no cause! To make matters worse, my subjects have been disappearing at higher and higher rates with no trace either here or in the Otherworld!"

Lydia gasped. _Barbara!_ Could this at all be related—?

"The entire Netherworld is in a panic. I'm here to make sure everything is running smoothly as my people search for answers… and to protect the place from any onset of bad weather that could destroy this building." Vince could govern the climate in his proximity. Before he could control his unique ghost powers, it would begin to rain whenever he had a depressive episode, but since befriending Lydia, the prince was able to learn that he was capable of so much more than producing a heap of crying clouds.

"Is this all related to the sandworms?"

"We think it might be. Mishaps like this have been happening for decades, but it's become frighteningly more frequent in the recent months. I'm concerned for my people, Lydia. If this keeps up, the Netherworld could be in shambles. I've only read about such chaos in the books of my forefathers."

"Well, what did they do?"

"I'm not sure. _Oh!_" Vince put the back of his hand to his forehead, nearly dropping Betelgeuse. "If only I could reach them! I know not what to do!"

"Maybe it'll die-down, _erm_, in a matter of speaking."

"Oh, Lydia, I hope you are right. I fear what will become of us if these mishaps do not lighten up! Oh, the affects it could have on the Otherworld! I shudder to think!"

"Affects… on the… otherworld?"

"Of course, Lydia. Our worlds are connected." Vince opened a door to an empty office, waiting for Lydia to pass him before following her in and waving off the notebook girl. "Imagine if this world is to undergo destruction! I will have to excavate my subjects in your world, and who knows what the consequences of that will be. My people weren't meant to inhabit the Otherworld indefinitely. That's what reincarnation is for! The land of living is too small. Your people… they will be overrun! _Oh_, there is no solution! Sending my people there will only subject me to more subjects with no haven for which I can send them…"

"I-I'm sure it's not all _that_ bad, Vince." He did have a way of exaggerating.

He sat Betelgeuse in a cheap office chair with gray fabric stretched over the thin seat and back cushions before taking a deep breath, brushing his hair back with his thin fingers. "Yes, of course. Things are still manageable. We've not yet reached quite a crisis."

"See, Vincent," Lydia smiled. "Everything will be fine."

He didn't look convinced, but took comfort in Lydia's words. "I'll find you something to wear and be right back."

"Okay," Lydia nodded, taking a seat next to Betelgeuse as Vince left. "That must be why we could never find the Maitlands…" She put her head in her hands. "I wonder when this all started…"

She jolted at Betelgeuse's feeling up her thigh and brushed him off. He was still pretty out of it, so all he saw was that Lydia was female; he didn't recognize her as his friend. The more time went by, the chattier and more handsy he got. Most of what Betelgeuse babbled about was lurid nonsense.

There was a knock at the door and Vince stepped in. "I found a dress," he said, holding up a slinky hip-hugger with rushing. "I'm sorry it took so long. While out looking, I was making sure everyone was still focused."

"I'm just glad you're back!" Lydia hopped up. "How long before BJ's back to normal?"

"I don't know. It's not very often we let exercised ghosts back through."

Betelgeuse smacked Lydia's rear. She growled "_Quit it!_" slapping his hand away.

"_Heh_, what's wrong babe? I'm just admirin'!"

She groaned, taking the dress from Vince. "I'm beginning to understand why so many women hate him." Lydia looked at the dress and held it out. "Uh, Vince, are you _sure_ this is a dress and not a shirt—or skirt?"

Blushing, Vince rubbed the back of his head. "An employee here was planning on wearing it for a date after her shift…"

Lydia grimaced "At least it's black."

Arms plopped on Lydia's shoulders and loosely wrapped around her. "I think you'll look _great_ in it, babes!" Betelgeuse slurred in her ear before squeezing her breast. "Besides, you _like_ it tight!"

She twisted away from him, elbowing Betelgeuse in the chest. He hobbled forward like a drunkard and almost fell. Vince grabbed him by the arms.

"I never want to see Beej wasted… His sober is already hard to handle."

Vince chuckled. "Agreed. We'll leave so that you may change in private."

"Heh, _private_," Betelgeuse snickered.

They both rolled their eyes at Betelgeuse's naïveté as Vince pushed Betelgeuse out of the room.

(0_0)

"I feel like a prostitute…" The dress was formal and formfitting, but Lydia felt too exposed. Her jumpsuit felt less skimpy than this… Maybe if she had a poncho?

"Betelgeuse, _no_!" She heard Vince yell milliseconds before the Ghost with the Most poked his head through the wall.

"Lookin' _hot_, babes!"

"Vince!" Lydia called. "You can come in now; I'm dressed!" He did, and Betelgeuse slid the rest of the way through the wall.

"You do look nice, Lydia."

"Uh, thanks…" She blushed. A lurid "compliment" from Betelgeuse was to be expected, but a compliment from the prince was both nice and flustering. Lydia wasn't sure if it made her feel more exposed or more sensible. "Vince, you mentioned people going missing?"

"Yes, that's right."

She crossed her arms, still embarrassed. "Have you tried searching the sandworms?" Barbara had set one on Betelgeuse before, and now they were rampantly infesting the Nether—and Other—worlds. Perhaps they were ingesting more ghosts as a result?

Vince nodded. "We've investigated, but so far, none of the worms we've captured seem to have consumed any missing people. Those found were already accounted for."

"Meaning they were sent to Saturn?"

"Yes."

"When did this all start? I mean, not when it became this frequent, but when it started becoming more than mishaps?"

Vince thought. "_Hmm…_ Looking back, I would say, perhaps, eight or so years ago? Yes, that sounds about right. About eight years ago, things began getting a little more… _strange_. But nothing too concerning until recently."

"Strange _how_, exactly?"

He tapped his chin. "Huh, well, sandworms escaping from Saturn became a regular occurrence, and there may have been some tempests unaccounted for, and there was a slight steady increase in unsolved disappearances. Nothing too drastic or irregular so as to cause much alarm."

Lydia's fingers began constricting her arms. "E-Eight years ago…" Could it be?

Betelgeuse tickled her stomach. "_Damn_, you're a hottie, babe!" He snorted. Lydia pushed his hands away, but he continued touching her, still delirious. "No wonder I fell for you! Say, wanna fuck?"

Lydia flinched back. "_What!_"

Vince grabbed Betelgeuse from behind and pulled him away. "Um, I'm going to find him a place to recover."

"Yeah… sounds good."

(0_0)

"It'll be a little while before he's lucid again. Well, for him," said Vince when he got back. "He's still pretty out of it."

"He's not alone, is he?" A sane Betelgeuse by himself was bad, but an unsupervised blitzed-like Betelgeuse was worse.

"I left Juno and one of my guards with him. He shan't be disturbing anyone."

"Good." Lydia had no idea how wacky a little exorcism could make a ghost. But then, he was always pretty wacky… "You think he knew what he was saying?"

Vince shrugged. "Most ghosts just babble once they start coming around. Being exorcised is a bit like being sedated. How conscious their babblings are, though, I cannot say."

Lydia crossed her arms. "Gotcha."

(0_0)

"Will you _shut-up_!" Juno yelled, rubbing her temple. "What do I look like: a pimp!"

"The rambling's a good sign, isn't it?"

"_Yeah, yeah_._"_ She waved Prince Vince's guard off, wondering why the prince didn't leave the idiot exercised. Why, of _all_ the caseworkers, did _she_ have to be the one who mentored Betelgeuse! Had Juno only known the trouble he'd be, she would have _never_ offered him a job as her apprentice! Now she was stuck watching over this loser because of their "history." If it was up to her, she'd have Betelgeuse thrown right back into Dead End! How he didn't get exorcised sooner was beyond Juno. The only thing more baffling was how that sweet Deetz girl could tolerate his shit.

"What time is it?"

Juno exasperated, "That's the first normal thing you've said all day! How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three," Betelgeuse answered.

"Good." She put two fingers down, leaving only the middle digit up. "Now how many?"

Betelgeuse muttered through his teeth, "One."

"You're fine. _Hey_," she snapped her fingers, "watch dog! You can take the moron back to your owner now."

(0_0)

"So, how long have you been here? Looking after the place, I mean."

Vince answered, "Not long. Two days or so… It's easy to lose track of time, especially here. Time isn't as consistent as it is in the Otherworld."

"You can say that again." If it wasn't for Betelgeuse, Lydia would never make it home on time. Even after all these years, she couldn't quite figure out the Netherworld's weird time fluctuations.

One of Vince's guards rounded the corner, followed by Betelgeuse. Lydia leaped up. "_BJ!_" she shouted.

"_Ow…"_ Cringing, Betelgeuse put a hand to his hear. "Not so loud, Lyds. Head hurts."

"How are you feeling?"

"I've had hangovers that were better… and I'm _starving_… Other than that, I'm fine. _Heh_," he chuckled at his own pain, "whadoya say we head back to my place for some grub? Got a bag of dried beetles callin' my name!"

"You're back to normal!" Lydia rammed into his chest as she went to hug him.

Awkwardly, he pat her back. "Uh, what happened, babe?"

"You were exorcised!" She broke the hug. "And I was dragged along. It was so _awful_. I thought—I didn't think we were going to make it."

"Yeah, I remember that part…" He rubbed his head. "_Whoa_, babe, what are ya wearing?"

Lydia tugged at the bottom of the dress in a sad attempt to make it longer. "My clothes kinda got torn apart by the other exorcised spirits." She continued fidgeting, suddenly self-conscious again. "But, uh, how much do you remember?"

Betelgeuse shrugged, still massaging his sore head. "Random shit. It's all pretty fuzzy. How bad was I?"

"Bad." She glanced at Vince." Spoke a lot of gibberish and you couldn't keep your balance, mostly." She left out the part about him being a horny pervert relentlessly hitting on her. Lydia knew Betelgeuse found her attractive to some degree, but whenever he hit on her unwittingly from one of her dupes, Betelgeuse would become frazzled with shame, even disturbed. Knowing the whole truth would only make the situation more awkward. "We should probably go to your place so you can rest some more—and eat." Lydia's tummy rumbled; she placed a hand on it. "Come to think of it, I'm pretty starved too." The talk of food—even of gross dried bugs—awoke Lydia's knotted stomach to just how famished it was. "Besides, I miss my parents."

They said their goodbyes to Vince, Lydia offering to help in any way they could, and took their leave. If there was one good thing being exorcised gave Lydia, it was an excuse to have a prolonged visit with her parents! It wasn't like her aunt would miss her. If Lydia went back, they'd probably think she was possessed by the devil or something and imprison her in a church cell to die. But Lydia knew she had to go back sometime. Not only was she alive, but she promised the Maitlands she'd take care of their house for generations! She couldn't abandon it. But for now, she didn't want to think about the Otherworld. She wanted to see her dad, Delia—and dinner.

(0_0)

"L-Lydia! W-What are you doing w-with _him_!"—Charles pointed at the groggy Betelgeuse and then back at his daughter—"in _that_!"

"It's not what it looks like," Lydia shut the door behind them. "The stupid town your sister lives in had BJ exorcised and accidently exorcised me too."

"C-Can they even _do_ that?" The priest had to first get permission from the Vatican, and a bunch of other stuff, before performing an exorcism (which could take months), and Lydia was alive. It shouldn't have worked.

Lydia nodded. "The trip kind of… ruined my dress. This was the best I could manage in short notice."

Delia popped Charles on the arm with the back of her hand. "I _told_ you sending Lydia to that shallow sister of yours was a bad idea! She has absolutely _no_ creative spirit or respect for the arts!"

"Delia, can you really blame Chloe? I mean, _look at him_!"

"_Hey!_" Betelgeuse shook his fist. "Watch it Chucky!"

Lydia put her hand on Betelgeuse to stop him from overreacting. This fight wasn't about him. It was about her awful aunt, Chloe.

"She was only trying to protect Lydia. I would have done the same thing."

"_Oh_," Delia moaned in defeat, a big pout on her face. "I guess you're right… But I still don't like her!"

"When are you going back, Lydia."

"_What!_" Betelgeuse shouted. "Are you out of your _fucking minds_! That psycho bitch just exercised us, and you want to send Lyds _back_! What do you think they're gonna do when she gets there!"

"Oh, we'll figure something out," Delia cheered dismissively. "We're a _creative_ family!" She muttered, adding "Unlike that dreadful sister of yours."

"My sister isn't _that_ bad, Delia."

"_Yes she is_," all three parties groaned in unison.

"Okay," Charles shrugged. "Maybe she is a _little_ difficult."

"Lydia, why don't you stay with us for a while, until things cool down up-top," Delia pointed at the ceiling and winked. "_Oh_, maybe I can make a pair of spectacular angel wings for your return! The wont cast out an _angel_!—will they Charles?"

"Well, Satan was an angel, Delia."

"Oh, _poo_, you're right." Now it was Delia's turn to shrug. "Well, we'll figure out _something_."

"So, if I'm staying, I guess I'll need my things."

"_Why?_" asked Betelgeuse.

"Well, for one, I'd like to change out of this dress."

Betelgeuse stretched his arms out in front of him, cracking is knuckles and neck, and then snapped his fingers, changing the tube dress into Lydia's poncho ensemble, simultaneously adding an upstairs.

"I'd still like my stuff…" She'd been without it for far too long.

Delia yelped, "_Oh my! _How did you _do_ that! Oh, _to think_, the ability to make things just _appear_ whenever you want! _Oh_, the art you could make! Charles, Lydia, can you _imagine_!"

"Ghost with the Most, babe," he said with a snort, smugly wiping his nose with the back of his fist.

"You mean you could have helped Delia with the renovations this whole time!"

Betelgeuse shrugged. "Looked like the broad was enjoying herself. Why interfere?"

"_You—!_" Delia grabbed Charles's arm.

"It's _his_ house, Charles. No need to get so worked up."

"But Delia, he—!"

"Gave us a place to live. How many times must we go over this?"

Charles sighed. "Sorry dear…"

Delia petted his arm. "_Good_, Charles! See how much smoother things work out when you keep a cool head?"

Lydia rolled her eyes. Delia was the last person, dead or alive, to know what "keeping a cool head" meant. Her fiery hair was proof of that. "Beej, my stuff is in storage at Peaceful Pines. Can you get it without popping over at my aunt's?"

"No problem, babes!" He held out his arm as if about to do a do-si-do. Lydia quickly stepped away, chanting his name.

(0_0)

Betelgeuse landed in the storage warehouse filled with the Deetz's things, spotting a few boxes with Lydia's name. He contacted Lydia. "Hey, babes, I got your damn junk. You can warp me back now."

"BJ, _seriously_, my parents!"

"Will you just call me already!" She did. He appeared in front of the family with three boxes. "Here." He dropped them in front of Lydia.

"_Careful!_" Lydia fell to her knees and inspected the boxes for any damage. "The crystal ball might be in there!"

"Why the hell is it in there!"

"Chloe wasn't exactly keen on me bringing a crystal ball to her house. Besides, what do you care? You locked your end."

"You closed the door!"

"So? You didn't have to _lock_ it!"

"Shouldn'ta cast me off!"

"You shouldn't have spyed on my date!"

Charles interrupted. "Lydia, what are you two talking about? What does your crystal ball have to do with keys and doors and your date?"

Delia gasped, clasping her hands together. "It's a portal to talk to ghosts! Like in the movies, Charles!"

"N-Not quite," Lydia hesitated. She had momentarily forgotten that her parents were listening. "I, um, it allows me to travel to the Netherworld without summoning BJ." She had to say the incantation still, but instead of Betelgeuse appearing, it would project the door to the Netherworld that Lydia represented—provided Betelgeuse left his end "unlocked" for her to cross. Which he didn't.

"How long have you been doing this!" Her dad yelled.

"Uh…"

Charles almost fainted, but was steadied by Delia before he lost his footing.

"How about we don't discuss your secret rendezvous with the ghost that once tried to kill us in front of your father, _hm_?"

"But Delia, he, she, Lydia's my daughter! I have a right to know what she was doing, traveling to the Netherworld with that, that, that maniac!"

"Well—" Lydia started to answer, but was interjected by Betelgeuse.

"We had adventures. Went exploring. Saved _your_ _ass_ a couple times!"

"Adventures! E-Exploring!"

"_Yeah_," Betelgeuse snickered. "Saw _quite_ some sights, if ya know what I mean."

"Dad, nothing like you're thinking happened! We're just friends. I started coming here looking for Mom and Barbara."

"_Started!_"

"Charles, please, do you honestly want to know the details? Give your nerves a rest."

Charles gently shoved Delia away and went to his chair to stoop, grumbling to himself the whole way.

"I'm going to make him some tea. Why don't you unpack?" Delia hurried to the kitchen.

"I'm guessing my room is on the new floor?"

"Bingo, babes."

Lydia picked up the top box. "Beej, a little help?"

"_What?_ You made me carry it all here!"

"_Beej!_"

"Alright! Alright!" He grabbed the bottom two boxes and led the way upstairs.

"_Deadly-Voo!_ I love what you've done with the room!"

"What can I say?" He set the boxes down and zapped them open. The contents inside floated out and put themselves away. "I have great taste!"

Lydia giggled. "Well, Mister Great-taste, I'll never understand why you don't use your powers to clean your house."

He shrugged. "Clean now."

"_Courtesy of my mom._"

"What's your point?"

Lydia rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

"Now what!"

"Nothing," she laughed. He could be such a lazy sloth—literally.

(0_0)

Betelgeuse jolted up from his doze and zapped himself into Lydia's room. "Hey, Lyds!" He shook her by the shoulders. "Babes, wake up!"

Moaning, Lydia pushed him away and sat up. "What's up?"

"What did I say to you today?"

"What?" Lydia rubbed her eyes with her knuckles.

"When I was blabbering gibberish, what did I say?"

Lydia giggled and lay down, shutting her heavy eyes. "Go back to bed."

"So I… didn't say anything?"

"You said a lot."

"Like what? Babes, I _gotta_ know!"

"It's like you said, you spoke gibberish. A lot of," she yawned, "gibberish."

"_Just_ gibberish?"

"Why?" She peeked out from under her lashes. "Afraid you said something _embarrassing_?" she teased.

"N-No! Why would I be afraid of _that_!"

Lydia became serious, and opened her eyes the rest of the way, slightly propping herself on her forearm. "You sound nervous. What do you think you said?"

He gulped. "_Nothing!_"

"Beej?"

"You should go back to sleep!" He vanished from her room.

Exhaling, Lydia lowered herself and shut her eyes again, relieved that he didn't confess what she thought he remembered saying…

(0_0)


End file.
